"The electrician installed a new flex cable to connect the new electrical outlet to the main power source."
by Arminkshipper June 18, 2025
Get the Flex mug.flex offenders are people who flex so hard it makes others uncomfortable and the flex offender seem unapproachable and greedy. flex offenders have to stay at least 25meters from mirrors.
by flailyhaley June 22, 2025
Get the flex offender mug.Definition: When someone ignores your messages for days, then posts something impressive on social media to remind you they’re "still winning."
Example:
"He didn’t reply for a week but just posted a gym selfie with a Lambo in the back—classic ghost flexing."
"He didn’t reply for a week but just posted a gym selfie with a Lambo in the back—classic ghost flexing."
by efsz June 28, 2025
Get the Ghost Flexing mug.Flex Officer (noun):
An elite-tier desk goblin who lives rent-free under the Captain’s desk, occasionally surfacing to breathe through their nose holes and remind everyone that “they’re special.” Born from the unholy union of nepotism and weaponized whining, the Flex Officer is the workplace equivalent of a trust fund baby who thinks mopping is a hate crime.
They don’t work at the jail — they grace it with their presence.
They don’t get mandated — they get massaged.
Their radio isn’t even connected — it’s just Bluetooth synced to Spotify where they’ve got a playlist titled “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.”
Key Attributes:
• Can hold their breath under a desk for 2 hours straight if Daddy Captain is rubbing their back and whispering, “You’re my little soldier.”
• Cries “unfair!” with the power of a soap opera widow anytime someone asks them to… do their actual job.
• Works half a shift, takes a full lunch, and still needs a mental health day from the trauma of watching other people do things.
Hierarchy of Enablers:
• Daddy Captain: Wears khakis so tight you can hear his thighs beg for help. Bends rules like he bends over to scratch the Flex Officer’s belly.
• Mommie Lieutenant: Pretends to discipline but calls them “my baby” when no one’s looking.
• Uncle Lou: Definitely has something sketchy going on!
Fun Fact:
The Flex Officer once got an award for “Most Improved” after showing up to roll call on time… once… in 2019.
An elite-tier desk goblin who lives rent-free under the Captain’s desk, occasionally surfacing to breathe through their nose holes and remind everyone that “they’re special.” Born from the unholy union of nepotism and weaponized whining, the Flex Officer is the workplace equivalent of a trust fund baby who thinks mopping is a hate crime.
They don’t work at the jail — they grace it with their presence.
They don’t get mandated — they get massaged.
Their radio isn’t even connected — it’s just Bluetooth synced to Spotify where they’ve got a playlist titled “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.”
Key Attributes:
• Can hold their breath under a desk for 2 hours straight if Daddy Captain is rubbing their back and whispering, “You’re my little soldier.”
• Cries “unfair!” with the power of a soap opera widow anytime someone asks them to… do their actual job.
• Works half a shift, takes a full lunch, and still needs a mental health day from the trauma of watching other people do things.
Hierarchy of Enablers:
• Daddy Captain: Wears khakis so tight you can hear his thighs beg for help. Bends rules like he bends over to scratch the Flex Officer’s belly.
• Mommie Lieutenant: Pretends to discipline but calls them “my baby” when no one’s looking.
• Uncle Lou: Definitely has something sketchy going on!
Fun Fact:
The Flex Officer once got an award for “Most Improved” after showing up to roll call on time… once… in 2019.
You: “Why the hell am I getting mandated again?”
• Sergeant: “Flex Officer said he has emotional allergies to night shift, so Daddy wrote him a note and gave him a juice box.”
• You: aggressively Googling ‘how to fake your own death with minimal paperwork’
• Sergeant: “Flex Officer said he has emotional allergies to night shift, so Daddy wrote him a note and gave him a juice box.”
• You: aggressively Googling ‘how to fake your own death with minimal paperwork’
by BigDaddyBear53 July 4, 2025
Get the Flex Officer mug.The act of bragging, recounting, one-upping, about a traumatic life event - physical (i.e. road rash, bad cramps, etc.), medical emergency (anything from a splinter to a widowmaker heart attack), mental health related (“The cheese slid off my cracker in 20__”), major life event (someone you loved croaked or croaked themselves), or emotionally inflicted (from a breakup to being gang raped by a whole Archdiocese of priests and nuns), even bemoaning one’s racial plight and/or difficulties associated with their sexuality/gender identification/you-name-it.
It is simply a ploy to garner sympathy and attention, perhaps intersectional leverage. Quite an effective strategic tool.
It is simply a ploy to garner sympathy and attention, perhaps intersectional leverage. Quite an effective strategic tool.
(Ned): “Did I tell you that I endured four weeks of chest pains before I had my heart attack, stroke, and Exploding Colon Syndrome?”
(Jacques): “Ya. Fifteen times since Juneteeenth. Maybe get checked for the ‘heimers, too. And quit with the trauma flexing. It pisses off everyone and makes me uncomfortable, you dong.”
(Jacques): “Ya. Fifteen times since Juneteeenth. Maybe get checked for the ‘heimers, too. And quit with the trauma flexing. It pisses off everyone and makes me uncomfortable, you dong.”
by Robaürt Du Maÿnnne July 14, 2025
Get the Trauma flexing mug.The act of bragging, recounting, one-upping, about a traumatic life event - physical (i.e. road rash, bad cramps, etc.), medical emergency (anything from a splinter to a widowmaker heart attack), mental health related (“The cheese slid off my cracker in 20__”), major life event (someone you loved croaked or croaked themselves), or emotionally inflicted (from a breakup to being gang raped by a whole Archdiocese of priests and nuns), even bemoaning one’s racial plight and/or difficulties associated with their sexuality/gender identification/you-name-it.
It is simply a ploy to garner sympathy and attention, perhaps intersectional leverage. Quite an effective strategic tool.
It is simply a ploy to garner sympathy and attention, perhaps intersectional leverage. Quite an effective strategic tool.
(Ned): “Did I tell you that I endured four weeks of chest pains before I had my heart attack, stroke, and Exploding Colon Syndrome?”
(Jacques): “Ya. Fifteen times since Juneteeenth. Maybe get checked for the ‘heimers, too. And quit with the trauma flexing. It pisses off everyone and makes me uncomfortable, you dong.”
(Jacques): “Ya. Fifteen times since Juneteeenth. Maybe get checked for the ‘heimers, too. And quit with the trauma flexing. It pisses off everyone and makes me uncomfortable, you dong.”
by Robaürt Du Maÿnnne July 14, 2025
Get the Trauma flexing mug.by HALLYTALL August 7, 2025
Get the Flex mug.