Wanking

Like masturbation, only dirtier. Mainly performed by: 1) Men of any age fantasizing about having sex (usually) with someone famous or someone who wouldn't have real sex with them in a million years. 2) What your mother does to men to feed her drug habbit. 3) A perfectly normal act ensuring your mother has to look at weird stains on your underwear and sheets. 4) An act usually performed whilst lying on a single bed with your eyes tight shut. 5) Something you do when bored. 6) An act that makes you believe you're the best lover in the world....or you will be when you start having sex for real. 7) Something that old guy down the road made you do to him for a bag of sweets. 8) Something every male does, but no-one admits to it. 9) An act that usually ends with the participant saying, "YES!" or "EWWW!" depending on the angle of the penis. 10) What you're doing right now as you read these definitions of wanking...

"I refute all allegations that I was out of order. Wanking at a funeral is perfectly normal"

"Sorry for waking you up mummy, but I've discovered this new thing called 'wanking' and I wanted to show you what happens at the end. Shall I get you a tissue?"

by Doctor Phew August 17, 2011

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wank

to play with ones self in a sexual way!

shaking hands with the one eyed snake.
slapping the salami
choking the chicken
jacking off

by cerebral March 15, 2003

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wank

A pleasurable experience that most males and about half of females experience regularely in their lifetime. The way a male would experience this would be to grab the shaft of the erect penis and rapidly moving the foreskin up and down until a climatic experience is reached and semen is rushed out of the penis.

1) i was wanking in the kitchen
2) my parents were gone so i had a wank
3) my friends wank but i don't want to
4) i don't know how to wank
5) i love to wank

by ruzzall July 17, 2006

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