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Asshole Splitting Shit

When you take a shit and the first log feels like a cheese grater or nails scraping against the insides of your asshole while it's coming out. All you can do is wait through the pain and misery.
I just got done taking the worst Asshole Splitting Shit of my life...
by Pokchop March 5, 2022
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Money splitting

When you’ve got money at loose ends in each area of your budget.

It’s linked to a visual concept of shredding a single bank note and trying to pay with the individual parts in different places, with the assumption that each part of the note still holds the same value. It is also linked to the imagery of hair with split ends.

(it is worth noting that bank notes can't be used when heavily damaged and cash is starting to become obsolette, this may be linked with it's origin. The term is best used in context.)
Example:

Person 1: puts hands in pockets and raises shoulders forward I can't go out for dinner or meet up for drinks because I can't afford it.

Person 2: Thats a shame, if you have money splitting at the moment you can pay me back if you still want to come out tonight.

or

She found her money splitting and decided to cut back her weekly groceries and extra travelling expenses.

or

Because of money splitting they had to rearrange their budget plan so they could afford the rise in heating.

or

Troy: I've seen my money splitting and need to watch what I'm spending my money on...
David: Get those trainers bro, c'mon
by RogetsCreasedThesaurus July 1, 2023
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Captain chair splitting

While dressed like cpt. Cave man When you an your partner are having a sex on a bar stool and you thrust so hard that the force splits the chair.
Bubba plowed me so good at the bar on last call that we end up captain chair splitting I haven't walked straight for a week.
by Purple nurble February 8, 2022
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splittin' poles

(verb) a superstition primarily in the african american community, when members of a party encounter an object (such as a pole) and some members of set party walk on one side of the object (pole) and others walk on the other, engaging in such an activity is improper and bad luck.
Don't be splittin' poles.
by milk man May 24, 2005
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splitting up

The action almost always taken by those who find themselves in horrific situations involving psycos, aliens, etc.
preppy guy - "Lets try splitting up so we can cover more ground."
Scooby - "Reah, rets rind rhe ritchen!"
by ripper44872 June 1, 2006
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Log splitting

When one's partner squeezes out a turd while one is actively engaged in anal intercourse so that one's penis happens to divide said turd much in the same way that one splits a log of wood.
Sally wasn't too keen on log splitting but I reassured her that I didn't mind getting a brown dick.
by LandfillSaloon August 2, 2016
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Splitting Hair

When a man is about to urinate, and a hair or lint is resting on the opening to the urethra. This causes the sream of urine to split off in 2 seperate directions and, if not at a urinal, all over the bathroom. This will be to the much displeasure to the wife/girlfriend/other family member.
I had to take a huge piss this morning, but i had a splitting hair and hosed the entire toilet. The wife made me scrub the whole bathroom for 3 hours.
by ThePisssMaster October 28, 2009
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