Turd Smoker

A smoker of turds, and such; a person who enjoys the taste of rolled feces.

Man, that JJSINC is a real turd smoker.

by thefunkyfeelone August 22, 2018

turd hearse

A manure spreader; device commonly used by farmers to spread livestock feces on their fields to use as fertilizer.

"Dad's out in the field, pulling the turd hearse behind his tractor. He cleaned the hog house today."

by oldgeezer March 6, 2010

Turd Alchemy

An unproven, purely theoretical construct that the psychological disorder known as Golden Turd Syndrome is based on, which is the idea that one’s shits are “golden” and that one is a human god and therefore can do no wrong and should not be confined by the laws that apply to others.

Turd Alchemy is the underlying irrational and pervasive pseudoscientific delusion responsible for the ongoing deification of Trump and his cronies by so many of today’s Republicans.

by Dr Bunnygirl September 22, 2022

Turd raft

When you lay down a few sheets of toilet paper on the water surface before taking a dump, preventing water from splashing on your ass when the turd drops.

This toilet looks like it hasn't been cleaned in ages! I better set up a turd raft to protect by delicate bottom from the AIDS.

by mythirdeye006 May 16, 2011

Compass turd

A compass turd is created when a person Eats two consecutive high fiber meals. The first meal is exceptionally high in protein, and the second laden with fats. The eater then passes both meals in the same defecation. The high fiber content in the compass turd will hold a sturdy log, and the dense protein packed end sinks to the bottom of toilet bowl while the buoyant, fatty pole will float to the surface, leaving the compass turd pointing straight up and down.

The scout master taught the intrepid scouts how to lay a compass turd, along with many tricks and techniques of orientation in wilderness. The scouts who could birth the best fecal compass were granted an ornate and venerable badge denoting their glorious ever-skyward turd

by fullyregressed January 15, 2014

Perfume on a Turd

** See lipstick on a pig

When my friends ex-girlfriend was taking too long to get ready to go out one night, another buddy said "What's the point? You might as well try to put perfume on a turd."

by desertcajun October 26, 2008

Orphan Turd

A turd that is left behind after you flush the toilet.

Paul glanced back at the toilet to find a stubborn orphan turd still circling the bowl.

by Largetarget May 28, 2018