SPANKING THE TURTLE

The act of trying to slap a turtle head back up your luscious cheeks to avoid sheer embarrassment and the otter humiliation that comes with shitting your pants. This commonly done when restrooms are not available.

“Bro, I was SPANKING THE TURTLE 🐢 in hopes I would make it to a bathroom in time.”

by Steven dickerson June 17, 2018

tits on a turtle

Someone who is basically useless

She is basically tits on a turtle

by Curly March 22, 2017

tempting the turtle

the act of subtly exciting oneself, by discreetly flicking the end ones knob, often in public.

1.Ethan. "dude it looks like that guy is playing with himself under the table".
Chris. "yea hes totally tempting the turtle".

2.Mitch. "oh my god I'm so board, i totally feel like tempting the turtle.

by spongecarrotsaysmoo December 6, 2009

Turtling Out

The act of being so high/drunk that once upon your back, you are rendered incapable of getting yourself back to the appropriate angle

"He was so high last night he had a full on turtling out episode"

by Sir Spliffsalot March 10, 2009

cold turtle

Personal interaction that causes male genitalia to retreat as in jumping into an ice-cold pool.

When she told me she only liked donkey-dick, I quickly went cold turtle!

by Bald Ginger May 12, 2014

Cheese Turtle

An uncircumcised micropenis with yellow smegma

"Hey how's your cheese turtle problem doing?"
"I thought I told you not to talk about it in public!"
"Not my fault you weren't circumcised and don't know how to wash your tiny dick. That yellow smegma is gross"

by SouLLesS April 26, 2015

Loggerhead Turtle

The act of giving a blowjob in the ocean while the penis is completely submerged in water (usually just 3-4 sucks at a time between coming back up for air).

"Dude, take my advice: don't ask her for a Loggerhead Turtle when the waves are really big."

by Herbert Muffin September 11, 2015