The land Bakersfield occupies used to be a barren, desert-like field. It is known for its agriculture, the Crystal Palace (gross country music hall), Buck Owens (gross country singer), home of the shitty rock band KORN, and oil pumps that litter various areas of town.
With a population of nearly a half million, it is the third largest inland city in California. God knows why, it's a pretty horrible place, with summer (late May-mid October) temperatures averaging in the high 90s and air quality that can practically disable you. Winter is short and usually doesn't get colder than 50 degrees in the daytime.
Methamphetamine is as easily found as a soda machine and getting drunk at parties in the middle of fields is a common Friday night activity.
Housing used to be dirt-cheap, but as of recently it's increased drastically. Statistics show that every single day 10 people from Los Angeles move into Bakersfield.
Ridiculously, there is only one real shopping mall {Valley Plaza} so at any given time it is too crowded to take a breath.
Much of the population are Mexicans that hop the border and invade town then clog the streets protesting their "deserved rights" when they are not even citizens.
Areas of town are sort of defined by the high schools: South High (southside), East High (eastside) don't walk the streets at night because you WILL get stabbed, North High (north) A.K.A. Oildale- which isn't a city in itself, just a name for the trailer park/white trash part of town, West High (west) if you want to get shot, mind your own business in any Taco Bell in the area, Ridgeview out in the middle of fucking nowhere. Then there are the snobby, rich schools around the Northwest/Southwest part of the city such as Centennial High, Liberty High, and Stockdale High. Liberty is home to the hottest, most shallow kids in the whole city. If you're not good-looking, you're invisible.
Friday night football games rule many kids' lives. If you're not a jock, then you're going to be pretty fucking bored and will resort to devoting your life to the "hXc!" music scene. (Scene kids in Bakersfield are known to be pretentious jerks.) You will spend your every waking moment in the sweaty, roach-infested basement of Jerry's Pizza watching shitty bands lose their voices.
With a population of nearly a half million, it is the third largest inland city in California. God knows why, it's a pretty horrible place, with summer (late May-mid October) temperatures averaging in the high 90s and air quality that can practically disable you. Winter is short and usually doesn't get colder than 50 degrees in the daytime.
Methamphetamine is as easily found as a soda machine and getting drunk at parties in the middle of fields is a common Friday night activity.
Housing used to be dirt-cheap, but as of recently it's increased drastically. Statistics show that every single day 10 people from Los Angeles move into Bakersfield.
Ridiculously, there is only one real shopping mall {Valley Plaza} so at any given time it is too crowded to take a breath.
Much of the population are Mexicans that hop the border and invade town then clog the streets protesting their "deserved rights" when they are not even citizens.
Areas of town are sort of defined by the high schools: South High (southside), East High (eastside) don't walk the streets at night because you WILL get stabbed, North High (north) A.K.A. Oildale- which isn't a city in itself, just a name for the trailer park/white trash part of town, West High (west) if you want to get shot, mind your own business in any Taco Bell in the area, Ridgeview out in the middle of fucking nowhere. Then there are the snobby, rich schools around the Northwest/Southwest part of the city such as Centennial High, Liberty High, and Stockdale High. Liberty is home to the hottest, most shallow kids in the whole city. If you're not good-looking, you're invisible.
Friday night football games rule many kids' lives. If you're not a jock, then you're going to be pretty fucking bored and will resort to devoting your life to the "hXc!" music scene. (Scene kids in Bakersfield are known to be pretentious jerks.) You will spend your every waking moment in the sweaty, roach-infested basement of Jerry's Pizza watching shitty bands lose their voices.
The Bakersfield summer has started.. Looks like we won't be stepping foot outside for the next five months. Bring me a bud light and a pack of Camels!
kid 1 "Do you know where I can score some dope in Bakersfield?"
kid 2 "Dude, just stand at a corner and someone will come up to you and ask you to buy."
kid 1 "You're going to the Valley Plaza mall in Bakersfield?? Don't you know there was a shooting there a month ago?"
kid 2 "Yeah, there's not really any other choice. I'm bored as hell and there is no other fucking mall in the entire city."
kid 1 "Do you know where I can score some dope in Bakersfield?"
kid 2 "Dude, just stand at a corner and someone will come up to you and ask you to buy."
kid 1 "You're going to the Valley Plaza mall in Bakersfield?? Don't you know there was a shooting there a month ago?"
kid 2 "Yeah, there's not really any other choice. I'm bored as hell and there is no other fucking mall in the entire city."
by knifeaudition May 31, 2006
Get the Bakersfield mug.The CA city also known as "Bako"
(or better spelled "Bake-o")
in reference to its typically hot temperatures, the proximity to producing oil fields (which is an in-joke for oil barons), and the predictable uber-presence of barbecue, bacon bits, and Mexican food, often served up to country-western and/or mariachi-norteno music.
While visiting Bako, try "the tri" -- which is localspeak for tri-tip, a beef cut that is (of course) barbecued.
(or better spelled "Bake-o")
in reference to its typically hot temperatures, the proximity to producing oil fields (which is an in-joke for oil barons), and the predictable uber-presence of barbecue, bacon bits, and Mexican food, often served up to country-western and/or mariachi-norteno music.
While visiting Bako, try "the tri" -- which is localspeak for tri-tip, a beef cut that is (of course) barbecued.
by Chabooi July 25, 2006
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by Ridiculous KPJ July 8, 2012
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by Allenna82 April 18, 2013
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