Footlong

How Europeans think Americans measure things

British dude 1: bro my teacher said use American measurements, but I don't know that shit since everyone else uses fucking metric, America is a cunt.
British dude 2: hey I got you fam, they use footlongs. One foot is one footlong.
British dude 1: mate, thanks

by I hate your life for you August 6, 2021

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Filthy Footlong

A possibly world-record shattering turd that measures from end to end, at the very least, 12 inches.

Samantha: "Why were you laughing so hard in the bathroom?"
Barbara: "Holy shit, bitch. I just made a filthy footlong in there. I haven't flushed it yet - you wanna see?"
Samantha: "Hell no, that's disgusting! By the way, why the fuck is your name Barbara?"

by anonguy654280 February 20, 2022

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Murphy's Law of footlong-subs

If you order just one of said tasty sandwiches, you will still feel hungry afterwards, but if you ask for two of them, you will only be able to finish one, and so you'll hafta just refrigerate da second one for later.

Having a friend treat you to lunch is a classic occasion for Murphy's law of footlong-subs to pounce and embarrass you. One simple and sensible way to avoid this face-reddening situation would be if your friend both has a smaller appetite than you and likes a lot of da same kinds of filling-ingredients; in dat case, you could just order two sandwiches, eat one, have your friend consume his fill of da other one, and then give da rest to you to finish along wif your own.

by QuacksO August 15, 2025

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Sausage footlong baconator

The very rare occasion that a fat hog is crossing the road and you just so happen to be riding a motorcycle. You would have to yell “sausage footlong baconator” right before you complete strike and brutally murder the hog

“Sausage footlong baconator”
🐖💀

by Lukard_oh November 6, 2025

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