A complete joke of a city in western Canada. Calgary is a oil boomtown that has basically no culture or history beyond the last 50 years and this is very obvious. The downtown is a soulless collection of glass towers that turns into a ghost town at 5pm when all the yuppies hop in their 3 series and high tail it back to the endless sprawl of cardboard McMansions that envelop the place. Calgary is also rife with homelessness, drug abuse and every other social problem you can think of. Calgarians have convinced themselves they live in some kind of world class city just because they have a Nordstrom now when in reality if it wasn't for Banff no one outside the prairies would have even heard of the place.
Saskatchewanian: "I can't wait to move to Calgary next week! So excited to live that big city life!"
Torontonian: "LOL okay buddy"
Torontonian: "LOL okay buddy"
by brownbuckwass August 31, 2018
A nice city that is obsessed with Toronto. Been there for a week and I don't know what the big deal is. Boring, flat and average. Turned down a nice job because I love Toronto that much. Sorry Calgary, Toronto will always be the city where the best and the brightest go. You guys can have all the rejects from Quebec and Newfoundland.
by Toronto Man July 06, 2006
The slum of Alberta. Home to alot of sluts and metrosexuals. Everyone there says Calgary should be capital of Alberta, but its already the mullet capital of Canada.
Edmonton- Worlds largest shopping mall and indoor amusment park
Calgary- Worlds larges mullet and smelliest indoor brothel
Calgary- Worlds larges mullet and smelliest indoor brothel
by Edmon tonkixass May 27, 2005
Located in the transition zone between the foothills of the Rockies and the prairies, Calgary is a dry, treeless city where the grass is never really green. Amazingly enough, this reflects Calgary's personality perfectly.
When I was at my cousin's house in the south of the city, I walked down the path that led away from his backyard and stood on the edge of the hill. Before me was a vast exapnse of brown covered in rows upon rows of cookie-cutter suburbs with no trees. Everything was so new, so spread out and so ugly. If one said the city had a soul, this would be it.
Edmonton is well on its way to becoming like this.
When I was at my cousin's house in the south of the city, I walked down the path that led away from his backyard and stood on the edge of the hill. Before me was a vast exapnse of brown covered in rows upon rows of cookie-cutter suburbs with no trees. Everything was so new, so spread out and so ugly. If one said the city had a soul, this would be it.
Edmonton is well on its way to becoming like this.
There is nothing to which to compare Calgary, at least not that I know of. Its lifelessness is one of a kind.
by Colonel Graff June 18, 2009
by Cuntasorus September 16, 2018
I would like to set the record straight about my city.
Yes, Calgary blows.
But it is STILL better than Edmonton.
We have ALL kinds of people...
Which means that, in fact, no we are not all red neck hicks. I would say like any other city we've got every kind of person... You can't honestly believe that you can group one million people into one category.
No, the night life is not fantastic, but it is still good. There are around five clubs that are pretty awesome.
I do believe that Calgary's just a baby still. It's growing up and, FINGERS CROSSED, it's only gonna get cooler (it obviously can't get worse).
Yes, Calgary blows.
But it is STILL better than Edmonton.
We have ALL kinds of people...
Which means that, in fact, no we are not all red neck hicks. I would say like any other city we've got every kind of person... You can't honestly believe that you can group one million people into one category.
No, the night life is not fantastic, but it is still good. There are around five clubs that are pretty awesome.
I do believe that Calgary's just a baby still. It's growing up and, FINGERS CROSSED, it's only gonna get cooler (it obviously can't get worse).
by Roar1234567890987654321 March 18, 2011
Calgary is a beautiful city in western Canuckistan. It is known by insiders for a nearly omnipotent police force; indeed, the Calgary police regularly catches heinous criminals in the act of parking more than 200 cm from the curb.
The city with the most insanely expensive cars per capita.
For the mathematically inclined, Calgary's road system was designed from scratch to be an example that shows that solving NP-complete problems while driving is bad.
Calgary consistently ranks in the top 10 cities in terms of quality of life and eco-friendliness. These are less defining characteristics, and more properties. However, a defining characteristic is that Calgary receives the second strongest Chinook winds; Lethebridge receiving the strongest Chinook winds. Chinook winds are sent by the Gods to make everyone sick by quickly altering the temperature from -20 to +20.
The city with the most insanely expensive cars per capita.
For the mathematically inclined, Calgary's road system was designed from scratch to be an example that shows that solving NP-complete problems while driving is bad.
Calgary consistently ranks in the top 10 cities in terms of quality of life and eco-friendliness. These are less defining characteristics, and more properties. However, a defining characteristic is that Calgary receives the second strongest Chinook winds; Lethebridge receiving the strongest Chinook winds. Chinook winds are sent by the Gods to make everyone sick by quickly altering the temperature from -20 to +20.
Driver: I got a ticket for having my steering wheel turned to 22 degrees while parked.
Friend: You must have parked in Calgary.
At a distance...
Police trainee (to Officer): Shouldn't I feel bad about giving such ridiculous tickets.
Police officer: No. Everybody in Calgary is rich.
----
Newcomer to Calgary: Whoa, is that a Ferrari being followed by a Lamborghini?
Calgarian: Pick your jaw up! I bought two last week, you can have one if you want.
----
Driver: How do I get to your place; I'm on the opposite end of the city?
Friend on phone: It's easy. Just solve the k-Clique problem for k=33.
----
If it's too cold for you, wait 10 minutes.
Friend: You must have parked in Calgary.
At a distance...
Police trainee (to Officer): Shouldn't I feel bad about giving such ridiculous tickets.
Police officer: No. Everybody in Calgary is rich.
----
Newcomer to Calgary: Whoa, is that a Ferrari being followed by a Lamborghini?
Calgarian: Pick your jaw up! I bought two last week, you can have one if you want.
----
Driver: How do I get to your place; I'm on the opposite end of the city?
Friend on phone: It's easy. Just solve the k-Clique problem for k=33.
----
If it's too cold for you, wait 10 minutes.
by Calgarian November 08, 2011