Shelf Cock

When a guy doesn't get to use his penis anymore either by not wanting to or not being allowed to.

female friend, "I bet he is slaughtering your pussy right now!"
Friend of female friend, "Nah he has a shelf cock. I would love him to plow me but he wants to wait a little while longer"
friend(male), "Maybe you need me to jam you for a while....?"

friend (another male mate) Maybe the idiot is gay, I'd screw you in a heartbeat!"

by Jenkisani November 12, 2010

A Shaffer Meltdown

A mental meltdown of epic proportions. Usually associated with otherwise extremely successful business managers/owners. Characterized by blaming others for self-inflicted pain caused by poor planning.

A manager shows up to work in the morning to find all his employees have quit and has to calm a pissed off client. Later that day finds he has no plan to fix his problems, and proceeds to blame the distict manager for his problems while assuming the fetal position and murmuring for his mother. This individual would be said to have experienced A Shaffer Meltdown.

by chillaxin-mo September 23, 2012

Jake Shaffer

A meanie butthole who will try to control your life and act "depressed" and has sex with fat red heads. Do not date a jake ladies or gentlemen

OMG! He is such a jake shaffer! Don't trust him.

by Lindyt33 November 16, 2018

Top Shelf Dick

Phrase of endearment coined by the infamous C. Storm. Humbly referring to another man possesing the following qualities: a) tall, b)a brother of Sigma Chi, c)plays basketball, d)fancies red-heads, e) has a large penis.

"Wow, Trudi is going to date Joe Brown. She's going to get some Top Shelf Dick."

Also see the following words: "Storm," "Joe Brown"

by Christian "Oaf" Storm January 5, 2009

Shelf Tities

Natural breasts that are so huge and horizontal in orientation that they could in theory be used as a shelf of sorts. Shelf Tities most often occur on obese black women, but on occasion can be seen on massive white and hispanic women. Shelf Tities must be natural, ie, huge breasts created via breast implants do not apply.

Guy 1: Hey man, look at that fat woman over there.

Guy 2: Holy Crap! those are some massive shelf tities!

Guy 1: Yea man, I bet you could set your drink up there and it wouldnt fall off.

by SSS383 October 30, 2007

Top Shelf

Contrary to popular opinion, Top Shelf is actually a high-five maneuver, usually given as a command... Not to be confused with the low or mid versions of the "five"
Also synonymous with Fiver

"Dude, I can't believe your boinking that chick from behind while I'm pumpin her mouth, "Top Shelf dude!" *clap*
(this in turn creates the coveted H-Clap

by Jimbo Dee January 7, 2009

shelfie

A selfie while you're on the toilet taking a shit. Shit + Selfie = Shelfie.

"I'm shexting you right now, next I'm gonna post a shelfie to Instagram!"

by poopedmypants April 19, 2014