COVID-19

Likened to the dreaded Freshman 15, the 15 pounds of weight you gain in the first year of college, the COVID-19 is the 19 pounds of weight you can expect to gain from sheltering in place and stress eating during a pandemic. You gain the COVID-19 when FedEx delivers the delicious prepared meals you ordered for the week and you're so bored you eat them all by Tuesday. You gain the COVID-19 when, finally, you eat up all the damn cans of beans you hoarded in March 2019 because you've been out of work so long you can't afford any new food.

I used to be celery, but after gaining the COVID-19 I'm a 🍐.
Have you seen Karen? She looks like she's strapped two 10-pound beef briskets to her arse, she gain the COVID-19.
After six months of sweat pants, Netflix and Funyuns, Stephen tried to put on jeans but soon realized he too had gained the COVID-19 when his pants button shot off across the room like a bullet.

by Sygh January 29, 2021

Covid-Catfish

When someone inadvertently catfishes you because they've gained covid-19 quarantine weight and haven't updated their pictures yet.

" I finally met met her after quarantine and she covid-catfished to me... that's all right though because I like a little extra meat :-)"

by MrHavok September 8, 2020

Covid Line

A line that appears longer than it actually is due to Covid-19 social distancing practices

I thought that line was super long for chick-fil-a, but it was just a Covid line.

by Despofordummy March 17, 2021

Schlong Covid

The new official orwellian name for "monkeypox." The World Health Organization (WHO) changed/rename monkeypox over concerns from scientists that the name is "discriminatory and stigmatizing."

According to the WHO, men who have sex with men are the group at the highest risk of infection right now. {About 99% of cases are among men, and at least 95% of those patients are men who have sex with men.}

Gay Man 1: Eeeeeew, what are all those bumps and sores on your face? You need to see a doctor about that?
Gay Man 2: Naw, it's just Schlong Covid, I think I got from that orgie a few days back. It's also all over my butt and junk.
Gay Man 1: mmmh, I didn't know you like to ride it dirty? We should hang out sometime once your don't look like a walking disease factory.

......

by Rastathewhite July 29, 2022

Covid Chips

The chips put in front of you in New York restaurants to make it look like you're eating, while you're actually drinking. They must be chips because King Cuomo said chicken wings were insufficient as food but for some reason carbs are fine.

Bartender: Hey If you're not gonna eat I gotta put these covid chips in front of you
Patron: thanks man, hopefully king cuomo won't get re-elected.

by chickentoes2 January 30, 2021

Covid Hipster

Someone who says they had Covid-19 pre-pandemic. Whether or not they actually did is not clear.

Tom won't stop talking about the cold he couldn't shake entirety of November in 2019. He is such a Covid Hipster.

by Bearrenegade August 6, 2021

Hangover Covid

Hangover Covid (COVID aka Coronavirus Disease) is a symptom one experiences the morning after getting blackout drunk similar to a regular hangover and may subside for a few days. It's most common in people who think they had COVID but most certainly did not, and are now telling everyone they know that they survived the most infectious disease of 2020. Generally done for no other reason that to make an excuse that why felt slightly sick or to impress their peers.

"Yo, I got blackout drunk with my buddies from out of town and the next day I swear I had COVID."
"Did you take a test?"
"Nah but my headache lasted a few days and my nose was stuffed up for a bit."

"Bro you had hangover covid."

by cheesyfeet December 3, 2020