The Chair Standard

The amount of time it takes for gently used office chairs to be spoken for after an email is sent to accounting office staff announcing the chairs are available for exchange. Approximately 15 minutes per dozen chairs. Krispy Kreme donut standard is 1 hour per dozen.

The Krispy Kreme donuts don't meet the Chair standard.

by Athos2 November 10, 2021

Standard Time

The sense of time we used to experience, as we tried and failed to reclaim it on November 1, 2020.

She awoke on November 1, 2020, eight months into Covid world, four years in the Trumpian alternative universe, and found herself trying to name the daze of the week, wondering how many of them until November 3, 2020, when something or nothing might change, maybe a few months or hours, who could say, and was reminded that she was back on Standard Time. It sounded so nice. She was sure it used to mean something...

by Monkey's Dad November 1, 2020

Double standard

When someone lives to excess and has nothing but expanding dollar signs/becoming powerful (in real estate or new development, for example) on their mind, but also wants to wrap their tentacles around conservation efforts and humanitarian causes (such as social justice, income equality, sustainable energy, and a bunch of other issues they don't even hold sacred) to cover their tracks (and get credited for positive things) in case anybody questions (or stands up to) them.

The dorky bubbly girl claming to be a humanitarian and conservationist was one of the main reasons a lot of trees were missing, but she was too busy poking fun at other people's double standards to notice her own. She thought that humans were too responsible for global warming because she thought everyone else was trying to dominate or control the world's resources to the extent (excesses) that she was. She was arrogant enough to believe humans caused the last ice age, and that they were the sole reason for global warming, and the worst thing about somebody like her was that she didn't know it, she only saw arrogance in other people, which is the worst kind of arrogance, complete and total narcissism (the kind of narcissism that also only sees narcissism in others). The planet wasn't going to miss her when she was no longer a part of it and it's problems, but she would never see that either, because she had convinced the planet and the people living on it that they somehow needed her.

by The Original Agahnim November 23, 2021

Pandemic Standard Time

The time zone everyone on Earth is on due to the pandemic. All of time seems to be mushed and nobody can remember the day.

Two friends texting in late 2020:
Friend 1: "Omg I just thought it was Tuesday."
Friend 2: "It is Tuesday!"

Friend 1: "OMG haha wow. See I got confused cause I had two similar events today and yesterday."
Friend 2: "You must be stuck in Pandemic Standard Time"

by Licensed_Nerd November 2, 2020

Standard Grandad

A person who likes their guitars (and everyone else's for that matter) tuned to standard E (Low to high E A D g b e). These people, who despite the name may be of any age, dislike the practice of tuning a guitar or bass to alternate tunings such as dropped D (D A D g b e) and show great disdain for those who do because...

Well, who knows.

These people could be the biggest Thin Lizzy fans in the world but wouldn't tune down just a half-step to E flat to play one of their songs correctly. They will often moan on about how it's not necessary to tune a guitar out of E but, when prompted for a reason why, they will just mutter, trail off and then be quiet again.

Standard Grandad: Oh, I see you're a Led Zeppelin fan, so am I! Favourite band since I saw em in '72, got all the LPs! how's about we jam on Moby Dick?

Drummer: Sure thing. But, uh, you'll have to tune your guitar to drop D, that's how Jimmy Page played it.

Standard Grandad: ...Forget it, I can't stand Led Zeppelin, bloody fiddling about with tunings *throws guitar in trash*

by LiftFart November 15, 2011

Double standard

A different standard for one person or group than another.

The double standard put a lot of red tape around what guys could and couldn't do to females, but little to no red tape around what females could and coudln't do to guys.

by The Original Agahnim November 2, 2021