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500 cigarettes

What two aliens said after smoking a cigarette
Alien 1: "We must have more"

*Alien 2 presses button*

Alien 2: "500 cigarettes."

*console summons 463 cigarettes.*
by Yaitzjacob September 17, 2025
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screen cigarette

The habitual act of scrolling on a phone—often through social media, news, or notifications—as a way to briefly pass time, calm oneself, or relieve boredom, similar in function to the ritual of smoking a cigarette.

A short, often mindless session of phone use undertaken for comfort rather than necessity.
The kids were restless in the waiting room, so I slipped them a screen cigarette to keep them occupied.

I had five minutes before my train, so I lit up a quick screen cigarette.

She doesn’t smoke anymore, but she still needs her screen cigarette after stressful meetings.

Nothing like a screen cigarette on the toilet.
by ciggyD September 19, 2025
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modern-day cigarettes

Pejorative slang for sitting for prolonged periods of time
I can't believe I've been binge-watching for six hours straight—talk about modern-day cigarettes! I need to get up and stretch.
by Emotional Cruiser October 7, 2025
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cigarette

Something that you know you're not supposed to do, but you do anyway when you're stuck with your job, e.g. Googling for the images of women's underwear
I know I shouldn't be doing it, but when I’m overwhelmed at work, I find myself sneaking a cigarette and Googling images of women's underwear to distract myself.
by Emotional Cruiser October 12, 2025
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Cincinnati Cigarette

When you take a cigarette, light it, then fuck a girl with it
Hey shawty, I got a pack of Marlboros. Wanna have a Cincinnati Cigarette?
by Batholemew dinklebottom October 26, 2025
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cigarettes

A perfectly legal way to slowly lose $10, your lung capacity, and the ability to climb stairs without sounding like you just ran a marathon. Commonly smoked to "take the edge off," eventually taken up full-time to deal with the stress of trying to quit. Cigarettes are often used used to look cool in high school, only to realize fifteen years later that lung cancer isn’t very fashionable.
"Mark said he picked up cigarettes to deal with stress, and now he’s stressed about how to quit cigarettes

"Yeah, I only started smoking to take breaks at work, now I’m behind a dumpster questioning all my life choices"
by Alon-A December 13, 2025
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Protein Cigarette

A euphemism for "penis".
by SirJshreder January 17, 2025
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