Skip to main content

Sperm Credit Union

A direct competitor to the for-profit Sperm Bank, the Sperm Credit Union is a co-operative sperm banking venture owned collectively by depositors, who are known as members. Through careful management and economy, it can pay a little more or charge a little less as it had no outside stockholders seeking profit at members' expense.

The same pattern held in other sectors where small, local credit unions had taken on large, greedy for-profit banks. Make a deposit in Blood Credit Union and they bleed you a little less aggressively than the corporate hacks at Blood Bank. Withdraw noodles from the local Food Credit Union and be able to repay a few noodles less than would be charged by a greedy, Wall Street Food Bank. And on it goes.

The principle is the same as any other mutual or co-operative society, such as Mutual Orgasm as an insurance provider or the Building Societies as mortgage lenders. By taking matters into their own hands, members collectively obtain a more satisfying outcome.
I was initially sceptical when that trollop Beth tried to seduce me into becoming a member. What, pray tell, is a Sperm Credit Union? This sounded like something out of the idealistic free-love Summer of '69 where the Sexual Revolution, fuelled by the Pill and not yet castrated by full-scale STD panic, led to massive orgies of excess where everyone belongs to everyone else. And these Annual General Meetings? They sounded like something out of a porn flick, Bukkake Gangbang part 666.

Then she sat me down and opened the books, reviewing the prospectus and the annual reports. The business model appeared sound; infertile couples pay to borrow members' DNA — both sperm and eggs — to build their families and secure their future. Members deposit their seed and earn interest. Much like a bank, every one of the hundreds of millions of sperm every day would be individually counted, frozen, accounted for and secured. Every one of them. Everything was strictly regulated and deposits nationally insured up to a limit of a half-million sperm. Compared to the shambolic wreckage of the rest of the US banking system, the Sperm Credit Union was fiscally-prudent and well managed.
by bitchuck September 3, 2024
mugGet the Sperm Credit Union mug.
<.7.9.7.6.>I DI Not Know Credits Cards Are Advertised And Marketed Towards rapists<.7.9.7.6.>
<.7.9.7.6.>I DI Not Know Credits Cards Are Advertised And Marketed Towards rapists<.7.9.7.6.>
mugGet the <.7.9.7.6.>I DI Not Know Credits Cards Are Advertised And Marketed Towards rapists<.7.9.7.6.> mug.

debit or credit

when you say "debit or credit?" and without waiting for a response swipe the side of your hand across the back of someone's bare neck in a swiping motion
if you're asked "debit or credit" and reply with "none" or "paypal" you will be murdered
by swaggyfaggy- October 21, 2021
mugGet the debit or credit mug.

Credit-crutcher

An unskilled player in an FPS game that purchases pay-to-win items at low levels in order to get ahead. Typically, creditcrutchers are juveniles who utilized their mother/father's credit/debit card in order to purchase the items/buffs in question.
"Those low-levels have crazy buffs!"

"They're just pay-to-win retards, fuckin' credit-crutcher."
by yesmann September 23, 2025
mugGet the Credit-crutcher mug.

Credit-Or-Debit

When something (usually flat ; E.g. Frisbee) is slotted in someone's ass crack (Like a Credit Card)
I'll give you 5 dollars if you can Credit-Or-Debit that guy
by DrFaust1426 November 14, 2022
mugGet the Credit-Or-Debit mug.

credit whore

a person in scarlet skies who pushes every teammate to drop all of their credits to them during war.
A: GIVE ME ALL YOUR CREDITS FOR ICBM!
B: Damn, that guy's a credit whore.
by wostard October 28, 2023
mugGet the credit whore mug.

Friend credit

A currency system backed by the virtues of good dudeliness rather than a physical denomination, typically used to express a reaction to the act of a good bro's motives and endeavors. Abbreviated as "fc".
Bro #1: "Dudes, I can't chill tonight. My mom's in the ER."
Bro #2: "That's whack bro. I thought we were boys. -2fc"
Bro #3: "-5 friend credits"
Bro "1: *cries silently in a corner*
by Goodbro69 December 16, 2018
mugGet the Friend credit mug.

Share this definition

Sign in to vote

We'll email you a link to sign in instantly.

Or

Check your email

We sent a link to

Open your email