two handed turtle

when someone gives a guy a handjob with one hand and catches his shit with the other as its coming out of his ass.

David: Hey man! Little Red gave me a two handed turtle last night.

by muleymomma May 19, 2014

Syphilis Hands

actively irritated, red legions on donald trump's meat-digits

When Casino Mobster waved to onlookers outside one of his 600 trials, all of Twitter noticed legions on The Former Guy #TFG hands, which gave birth to "Syphilis Hands" trending and lots of grossed out people who instantly needed eye bleach.

by Uncle Joosie January 17, 2024

Taking the wrong fish by the hand

To make a poor choice or miscalculate when selecting someone or something important.

"He felt that he was ‘taking the wrong fish by the hand' when he hired the new employee, who turned out to be unreliable and not a good fit for the team."

by quacku November 15, 2024

Flimsy Hand Syndrome

Someone with the hand and wrist strength of a toddler.
A medical condition one develops as they age, elderly people are often found with this unfortunate syndrome.

"Destinee threw one punch and her entire knuckle swelled up!"
"Ahh, that's Flimsy Hand Syndrome for you."

by KayKairi May 29, 2017

hand eye cock

Touching your penis with mustard and making eye contact with your grandparents

penis touching with grandparents which is hand eye cock

by Biggins546 October 4, 2016

Left-handed taco

Food play based sex act involving spicy salsa. Preferably performed in the back of a rented vehicle.

I just offered a left-handed taco for his birthday. He was excited.

by KD123 July 15, 2016

Hand Jig

Jacking off while singing show tunes.

Jacking another man off while singing show tunes.

"Dude, I gave myself the best Hand Jig the other day while watching Grease".

" Man I went into the Mens restroom at Barnes and Knobles this morning and witnessed an elderly man giving another elderly man a Hand Jig while singing Jailhouse Rock".

by Badilla July 3, 2019