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vampire

An (perceived by its victim to be) attractive and charming person who continually creates and thrives on unrequited sexual tension and drains emotional and vital energy as well as material resources from the victim.

The vampire frequently will retain the same donor for months or years without giving anything of the aforementioned energies in return, or setting the victim free to pursue a mutually nurturing relationship.

The victim often, over time, demonstrates near-matrimonial devotion and will develop something resembling true love for the vampire master.

The vampire frequently does not understand how they have fed at all, nor how near death their victim actually is, and contrarily thinks that the relationship somehow benefits their victim.
Showtime original series "Weeds":

Nancy (role of vampire) and Andy (role of vic)
by shadowmagnet February 8, 2013
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vampire

Vampires are characterized by the following attributes:

1. They are undead, meaning that they have died, but risen again as creatures with tremendous strength, but also a weakness to various things, including garlic, sunlight, and crucifixes.
2. They are consistently extremely malicious, and seek out humans for one or more of the following purposes: to kill and eat, to use as cattle that they consistently drain small amounts of blood from, and/or to turn into more vampires.
3. A vampire has no conscience. Vampires may recognize people that they knew while alive, but they have no emotional response associated with this recognition, other than bloodlust.

Also, some kids dress up as vampires and refer to themselves as "vampires..." but actually they are just human high schoolers with too little homework.
TWILIGHT FAN: Edward Cullen is a vampire.

DRACULA FAN: No. No, he isn't.


TWILIGHT FAN: Shut up! What do you know?! You were born in the late 1800s!

DRACULA FAN: This is true.
by Bertoffski April 1, 2009
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Vampire Baseball

The sport that was created by Stephanie Meyer for the Twilight saga because she couldn't think of anything. It is utter fail and cannot be compared to the creativity and uniqueness of Quidditch.
"This is so boring and stupid"
"I know, it's like Vampire Baseball"
by LunaBeiFong January 11, 2009
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Vegetarian Vampire

A retarded vampire who thinks animals are vegetables.
Girl: OMG! Did you see Twilight?
Guy: No, I don't like watching gay vampires
Girl: He's just a vegetarian vampire...
Guy: You know what that means to them?
Girl: What?
Guy: A vampire who can't get pussy and can't tell the difference between sucking tomato juice or animal blood.
by XxKMEOxX April 4, 2009
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Vampire Academy

A story filled with russian cowboy vampires and plot holes the size of whales. It's about a teacher and his female student going and having adventures fighting vampires (and angst about sexual tension and the fact he's a teacher) and then he becomes a vampire (a very angsty development) and then there's more sexual tension and that's pretty much it as you can imagine it's a super classy literature
I know EVERYTHING about romance novels.

Have you read Vampire Academy?

No?...

Then you're still a virgin. get out of my way.
by MiChanger April 13, 2011
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vampire venom

Stephenie Meyer's lame version of how to turn a human into a vampire. It spread's through the person's system, burning them until they pray for death, until it stops. Then they are a hard, glittery fagpire.
Twilight fan: I wish Edward would bite me and turn me into a vampire.

Dracula fan: Um... that's not how you're turned into a vampire.

Twilight fan: Yes it is, vampire venom.

Dracula fan: No, they drain your blood, and then you drink some of their's. That's how it really works, in all the legends and old stories.

Twilight fan: eew, that's yucky!
by Jackieeeeeeeeee October 3, 2009
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psychic vampire

one who uses subtle persuasion techniques and passive aggrassive behavior to manipulate other while taking the high road to self-righteous indignation.

these "psychic vampires" usually misuse the term when labeling someone a psychic vampire and are typically the real psychic vampires themselves.
Good Dude: "Hey, since I made coffee yesterday so it could be ready for you once you got ready, would you put a pot on while I hop in the shower?"

Real Psychic Vampire: "Fuck you, you psychic vampire, you only did something nice for me yesterday so I would be in your pocket today and could guilt me into making you coffee!"

GD: "Dude, you asked me yesterday the same way I'm asking you today, as a nice favor, but whatever man, if you're going to get bent out of shape I can just make my own when I'm out. (under breath: Paranoid Fuck.)"

RPV: "Fine, Psychic Vampire."
by anabolic a August 26, 2006
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