Psychic Technologies

The tools and gadgets designed to enhance, measure, or simulate psychic abilities, ranging from ancient divination tools to modern brain-computer interfaces that are definitely not mind-reading devices (wink). This includes Zener cards for testing ESP (you guess the symbol, I record the data, we both pretend this proves something), EEG headsets that claim to let you control objects with your mind (they work, barely, if you concentrate really hard and the stars align), and the classic crystal ball, which is just a decorative sphere but looks impressive when you stare into it mysteriously.

Psychic Technologies Example: "He bought a psychic technology headband that promised to boost his telepathic abilities. After a month of wear, he hadn't read any minds, but he had developed a persistent headache, which he interpreted as the universe trying to communicate through discomfort. The manual called this 'psychic sensitivity.'"

by Nammugal February 14, 2026

Exotic Technologies

The hypothetical or highly speculative devices that would revolutionize everything if they actually worked, such as warp drives, teleporters, and perpetual motion machines. Exotic technologies are always "just around the corner" or "suppressed by the government" or "working perfectly in this prototype that we can't show you because the energy readings would blind you." They are the subject of countless crowdfunding campaigns, each one promising to change the world and delivering, at best, a blinking LED and a PDF explaining why the real breakthrough is coming next year.

Exotic Technologies Example: "He backed a Kickstarter for an exotic technology that claimed to generate free energy from the quantum vacuum. Two years later, he received a box containing a copper coil and a note saying 'connect to any battery to see the effect.' The effect was that the battery drained slightly faster."

by Nammugal February 14, 2026

Esoteric Technologies

The tools and devices used by seekers of hidden knowledge, ranging from the practical (candles, crystals, really cool robes) to the elaborate (orbs that "capture spiritual energy," pendulums that answer yes/no questions with the accuracy of a confused Magic 8-Ball). Esoteric technologies promise access to realms beyond ordinary perception, but their user manuals are always written in a mix of faux-ancient language and vague instructions like "attune to the crystal's resonance" (translation: hold it and hope). The most reliable esoteric technology remains the human imagination, which requires no batteries and can convince you of anything.

Esoteric Technologies Example: "She purchased an esoteric technology called a 'quantum resonance wand' for $300. It was a plastic stick with LEDs that she was supposed to wave over her chakras. After a week, her chakras felt no different, but her arm was slightly more toned from all the waving."

by Nammugal February 14, 2026

N-Dimensional Technologies

The hypothetical or theoretical tools that would allow us to perceive, interact with, or manipulate higher-dimensional spaces, assuming such spaces exist and we could afford the equipment. This includes tesseract projectors (which just look like weird cubes), 4D printers (which would print objects that change over time, so... just regular 3D printers with extra steps), and "dimensional goggles" that promise to show you the 5th dimension but mostly just show you static. The most accessible N-dimensional technology remains the metaphor, which lets us talk about things we can't possibly understand.

N-Dimensional Technologies Example: "He bought a pair of '4D visualization glasses' from a website that also sold perpetual motion machines. When he put them on, he saw the same 3D world but now with a slight headache. He convinced himself the headache was the 4th dimension trying to communicate."

by Nammugal February 14, 2026

Consciousness Technologies

The tools and techniques designed to alter, expand, or monitor your state of awareness, ranging from ancient meditation practices to modern brain-zapping headbands. This includes float tanks (expensive baths in the dark), psychedelics (illegal but effective), and meditation apps that guide you to mindfulness while also tracking your screen time. The paradox of consciousness technologies is that the more gadgets you use to "find yourself," the further you drift from the simple awareness that was there all along, usually while checking your phone.

Consciousness Technologies Example: "He bought a $400 consciousness technology headband that promised to induce deep meditative states. After a month, he'd achieved a state of profound relaxation while simultaneously feeling intense anxiety about whether the headband was working. He concluded that this contradiction was the meditation."

by Nammugal February 14, 2026

Metaformal Technologies

The tools and systems designed to generate, manipulate, or analyze pure form without regard to content. This includes templets for everything (the original metaformal tech), AI art generators that create "images of the concept of an image," and architectural software that can design buildings that violate the laws of physics but look amazing in renders. The ultimate metaformal technology is the "form-filling" app that helps you complete other apps, creating a beautiful, self-referential loop of empty structures waiting to be filled with meaning that never arrives.

Metaformal Technologies Example: "He used a metaformal technology to design the perfect resume template. It had ideal spacing, optimal font hierarchy, and mathematically balanced margins. He then spent three weeks tweaking the template and never actually wrote the resume. The form was flawless; the content, nonexistent."

by Nammugal February 14, 2026

Metaepistemological Technologies

The tools and systems designed to help us understand, validate, or improve our ways of knowing, which usually just make us more aware of how little we actually know. This includes critical thinking apps that prompt you to "examine your assumptions" (leading to an infinite regress of assumption-examination), AI fact-checkers that cite sources that cite other AI fact-checkers, and "bias detection" software that is itself biased because it was written by humans. The most advanced metaepistemological technology remains a good friend who says "are you sure about that?" and then listens to your increasingly uncertain response.

Metaepistemological Technologies Example: "I used a metaepistemological app that promised to analyze the reliability of my news sources. It flagged one article as 'potentially unreliable' because it was cited by a source that the app had previously flagged as 'potentially unreliable.' I then realized the app was just arguing with itself and went back to getting my news from Twitter, which at least was honestly chaotic."

by Nammugal February 14, 2026