zombie-beard

A combination of zombie apocalypse and neck beard. It it well known that neckbeards are obsessed with the collapse of society, so they fantasize about some kind of apocalypse. The thing is that most neck beards are either extremely over or underweight there for extremely unathlectic, so in the extremely unlikely events of an apocalypse they will most likely be the ones to die first for obvious reason. I’ll give them credit that they usually know a lot about survival, but that’s about it. There are three main reasons why they have this mindset.
1) They don’t have the social skills to fit into normal society

2) There are no marriage laws so they can force a fair maiden to court them and be some kind of white knight
3) They think their gonna be Rick Grimes from the Walking Dead or maybe even a Daryl, but in reality they’re most likely a Eugene

4) They think they will somehow out live all the athletes and chads
In the end why the hell would anyone want anything a horrible as some kind of apocalypse to happen. I mean seeing all your loved ones get eaten and die that’s just plain awful.

Yes people like this actually exist
Zombie-beard: I’m so ready for the apocalypse I have all my katanas and machine guns!
“Chad”: How will you outrun them? You’re 300lbs?
Zombie-beard: I won’t run like a coward I’ll kill them all! You ignorant simpleton!
“Chad”: Whatever man.
*zombie outbreak*
“Chad”: Oh shit! Run!
Zombie-beard: *gets eaten* AHHHHH! NO! THIS IS NOT HOW IT TURNS OUT IN MY THE WALKING DEAD FAN-FICTIONS MAGGIE WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAVE GLENN FOR A REAL GENTLEMAN LIKE MEEE!!1!
Maggie: Who is that guy?
Glenn: No idea

by Thequeenofbasicbitchery October 28, 2017

Zombie Relationship

A zombie relationship is what you get when the relationship has died, (and we all know you can't come back from the dead) but they try to make it work anyway.

Yeah Dan and Sarah just need to call it, their zombie relationship clearly isn't working.

by Lungenbrotchen April 4, 2019

Zombie Kraken

1) A near undefeatable monster of biblical proportions originating from the sea which can survive on land. The Zombie Kraken is capable of devouring the largest of ships and small towns with relative ease. Its quick temper and vengeful nature makes it a beast best avoided.

2) A rock band which documents the many adventures of the Kraken in its un-dead form.

“Here comes the Zombie Kraken! Better make like a tree.”

by KrakenFan September 29, 2012

Coffee Zombie

A person who is a zombie until s/he has had her/his morning coffee.

Lisa is really being cranky this morning. She must not have had her coffee. You know what a coffee zombie she is.

by PharmGirl99 August 22, 2011

Zombie Apocalypse

A guaranteed way of never having to become slaves to our jobs

I can't wait until the zombie apocalypse happens so that I don't have to go to work all the time and get bitched at by that annoying bitch of a boss.

by Krackerjacksnacks August 11, 2017

Zombie chew

When a person is providing oral to another person but the receiver is unable to become erect. They carry on with the oral anyway whilst it is floppy, lifeless and also referred to as “dead meat”.

Venessa- “what did you do with him?”
Jackie-“I went down on him, but he drank too much, so I gave him a zombie chew”

by Caldaddy May 10, 2020

Swollen Zombie

Another term for blue balls.

I was edging and now I have a swollen zombie.

by The Man with No Name November 9, 2017