Sandpaper Wank

An unpleasant/painful experience, which could be likened to masturbating with sandpaper.
"Wasteman! That exam was like a sandpaper wank"
by Eazy-JT January 20, 2010
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Cry wank

When you're a sad fuck and horny at the same time
Mike: god i wanna kill mah self
Tyler: why don't you just cry wank
Mike: *proceeds to kill himself*
by Sad fuck March 25, 2020
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Wank Beam

wank beam - a beam across a gap of which you aim for when you ejaculate
Hey man check that wank beam over there, i bet i can jizz on that bad boy!
by Amy Walker February 02, 2010
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Grattan wank

Masturbating to the lingerie pages of a clothing catalogue, as you did when you were 13 and couldn't get hold of proper filth.

Also handy for when you want a change of pace from mind-blowing internet-based grot.

(The Grattan catalogue was popular in the Uk about 15 years ago, and had a huge ladies underwear section.)
"Dude, I went old school and had a badass Grattan wank last night"
by Ohfoshizzo November 02, 2009
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Wank-ake

When someone wakes up with a stiffy and decides to make pancakes while at the same time wanking and as a result some of the ejaculation gets into the pancake batter but not enough to stop said person from continuing to make said pancake. The resulting breakfast food is a Wank-ake!
Roommate A:Hey man, I made breakfast you want some?

Roommate B:Sure, what'd you make?

Roommate A:Wank-akes!

Roommate B:Wait, WHAT?!?

Roommate A:I said Pancakes, man seriously, you want some or not?
by Defiantzel June 12, 2010
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Cookie-Wank

You and your friends stand in a circle around a cookie. You start to jerk off and try to hit the cookie with your load. The first one who doesn't hit the cookie, or the last one to cum, has to eat it.
"Man, I still have the taste of the Cookie-Wank off yesterday in my mouth."
"Yes, I came first!"
"Oh man, I lost the Cookie-Wank again."
"Oh sorry I didn't mean to shoot you"
by TheFunnyGamer October 18, 2021
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Wank balance

The level of jizz in the male sexual organs, for example if you haven't had a wank for a week you have a healthy wank balance, if you wank 8 times a day then your overdrawn
I need to refuel the tank - my wank balance is running low after this mornings work out
by sharkfest August 01, 2016
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