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Schrödinger's handjob

When you are asleep and having a wet dream, and you're not sure where it is a dream or whether it's your best mate wanking you off when you're sharing a bed
Ben woke up in pure euphoria and a wet patch, he rolled over to his best friend blake sleeping next to him. His euphoria swiftly turned to shock and exclaimed "oh fuck, I've had a Schrödinger's handjob"
by Hayden Schrödinger June 24, 2023
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Handjob

When someone is being inconvenient to either; themselves or the people around them.
Themselves

Friend 1: I just bought the newest Supreme hoodie for $900

Friend 2: Ya know, you're kind of a handjob sometimes

Those Around Them

Friend 1: I was at work today and all the customers just kept stopping directly in front of me staring at things around the store except me

Friend 2: Yea, that sounds like all your customers are a bunch of handjobs
by Handjob Bill April 15, 2022
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Iraqi Handjob

A solo sexual act performed in a blackhawk helicopter, from a gunners position, while in Iraq.

In a Blackhawk, the Co-Pilot side gunners seat gets all the down draft from the blades. Making it often times the less desirable position to ride in. However, you can adjust your left leg just right to make the down draft work across the fabric of your pants leg in a flapping or slapping motion. If you get hard and slide it down that leg, it's known as an "Iraqi Handjob".
"Bro, why do you ways ride Co-Pilot?"
"Oh, man, I'm over here getting an Iraqi Handjob"
"A WHAT!"
"Trade me spots, get hard and slide it down the left side, now adjust your leeeeg, yup right abou"
"Oh my gawd it's working .... This is actually nice!"
😘👉👉
by PathfinderDan February 16, 2024
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Connecticut Handjob

A geographical phenomenon upon which your flaccid cock spontaneously oozes cum at the elation of abetting traffic that had neither source nor cause.
I'm on 84 West towards Danbury and I swear I just got the best Connecticut Handjob of my life - I need a new pair of underwear.
by humanchair October 16, 2022
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Canadian Handjob

When a person jerks off two seated friends, one with each hand, using the ski pole method, with winter gloves on.
Those two guys got a Canadian Handjob from that stripper in Vegas.
by Dan5 April 25, 2025
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Handjob

National handjob from girlfriend day!!
Hey babe its December 7th, handjob time
sigh*gets hands ready*
by woler December 6, 2022
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Persian handjob

The act of when a old persian lady gets some tahdig and choresht and uses it as lube. After you cum she can have the hearted food cause the fun is so steamy.
My chaleh jUst gave me a persian handjob after we mofted food.
by Agha cos kesh August 28, 2018
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