Skip to main content

Church History

A soul-sucking and pointless course you are forced to take your junior year at Mount de Sales. Taught by an insane Filipino lady, it is designed to make your brain implode before the final exam. Everyone sleeps in the class and no one learns a single thing because the teacher just goes off on monologues for an hour and a half and no one can understand her accent. Then comes the final exam and you're expected to know everything that happened from Jesus' crucifixion to the Diet of Worms. Whatever the fuck that is.
Mom: So what'd you learn in church history today?

Me: Oh, I learned about all the different heresies, protestantism, etc. We've also had about 54385798327549 bad popes.

Sue: Church history is the biggest waste of life.

Me: I do my precalc homework in that class.

Me: So... this Church history exam....

Ellen: Fuck that shit.
by screaminghallelujah6 December 12, 2011
mugGet the Church Historymug.

church merch

Free swag you get from your church on Sunday.
Hey Lucy, check out the free St. John’s coffee mugs. That’s some sweet church merch!
by Slump Daddy October 17, 2018
mugGet the church merchmug.

The Church of Piss

The church in which those who sit around it are mesmerized and are turned in to a transcended form. It is stated that those who come to the church every Tuesday instead of eating tacos are rewarded with a cup of piss in there hand within a chalice. Those who receive it may drink from the chalice and they may see a blessed video of the legend himself known as sodahead 13.
"What are you doing today?"
"I'm going to the church and try and get some piss."
"Oh, the Church of Piss!"
by haha pee pee uh oh stinky poo September 30, 2019
mugGet the The Church of Pissmug.

Church Coffee

Horrible coffee made exclusively by churches. It is always way too weak and tastes odd. They just can't get it right!
guy 1: Hey, how's the coffee?
guy 2: Horrible, it tastes like Church Coffee.
guy 1: Gross. Lets get a Monster instead.
by palindrome216 July 6, 2011
mugGet the Church Coffeemug.

church heat

Really hot inside...like in a church full of people hopping and praising the lord (and sweating).
Temperatures above 80 usually found in crouded places or where the thermostat may be controled by a church elder who needs to warm his chilled bones.
Man, it was so hot in that cafeteria, it was like they had the church heat going!
by Grabapail March 21, 2017
mugGet the church heatmug.

Old Church

An old church is a beautiful masterpiece of religious architecture and will stand out in any town or setting. Old Churches that are either made from wood or from stone are different from more modern churches simply because they feature a beautiful relaxing space with lots of nice colours. Lots of elegant churches like this can be found a lot in England, America, Australia and New Zealand. They look the best when they are in a country setting with surrounding trees and lakes.
I prefer "Old Churches" rather than modern churches
by BlackTie12 February 21, 2020
mugGet the Old Churchmug.

church crazy

When a parent who is usually a normal person turns into a raging angry demon on Sundays. This usually occurs because they care deeply about their image and want their families to appear perfect to other churchgoers.
Damn, mom is screaming at John for forgetting to iron his shirt for church! Looks like she's gone church crazy.
by PlasticCup December 5, 2022
mugGet the church crazymug.

Share this definition

Sign in to vote

We'll email you a link to sign in instantly.

Or

Check your email

We sent a link to

Open your email