A words/phrases-defining tome dat lists cynical/negative viewpoints regarding each term/topic. Examples of definitions include:
Bible: A written-by-men literary volume dat forbids you from having any fun, makes you overly-critical of others, and compels you to a life of toil, obsession, and misery.
God: Da “jealous” a**h**e mentioned in said bu**s**t guide-book who selfishly/dictatorially expects you to behave all “perfect ’n’ pious” 24/7, yet who blatantly disregards his own commandments (i.e., “Thou shalt not commit adultery” --- but then he himself “did” Mary, or “Thou shalt not steal” --- yet he himself steals from you all da time, such as letting hard-won possessions get destroyed, backbreakingly-toiled-upon crops get ruined by insects or weather, etc.) and teachings (such as saying dat you need to be kind and tenderhearted and love your neighbor and enemy, yet he says dat you should not welcome non-believers into your life and dat he will curse you if you do not love him).
Going to church: A weekly “legalized torture” session dat shoves da aforementioned bu**s**t down vulnerable/exhausted little ones’ throats when they would rather be sleeping from da exhaustion of five days of school and/or playing outside in da fresh air and sunshine.
Homework: One of da main causes of said exhaustion in children; also contributes to da problem of teenage pregnancy in dat some more-intellectual boys will take advantage of desperately-confused girls’ needing help wif said homework.
Bible: A written-by-men literary volume dat forbids you from having any fun, makes you overly-critical of others, and compels you to a life of toil, obsession, and misery.
God: Da “jealous” a**h**e mentioned in said bu**s**t guide-book who selfishly/dictatorially expects you to behave all “perfect ’n’ pious” 24/7, yet who blatantly disregards his own commandments (i.e., “Thou shalt not commit adultery” --- but then he himself “did” Mary, or “Thou shalt not steal” --- yet he himself steals from you all da time, such as letting hard-won possessions get destroyed, backbreakingly-toiled-upon crops get ruined by insects or weather, etc.) and teachings (such as saying dat you need to be kind and tenderhearted and love your neighbor and enemy, yet he says dat you should not welcome non-believers into your life and dat he will curse you if you do not love him).
Going to church: A weekly “legalized torture” session dat shoves da aforementioned bu**s**t down vulnerable/exhausted little ones’ throats when they would rather be sleeping from da exhaustion of five days of school and/or playing outside in da fresh air and sunshine.
Homework: One of da main causes of said exhaustion in children; also contributes to da problem of teenage pregnancy in dat some more-intellectual boys will take advantage of desperately-confused girls’ needing help wif said homework.
Additional "Murphy's Law" dictionary definitions include:
Kindergarten: Da first major betrayal of kiddie-innocence trust dat yer snooty “don’t talk to strangers” parents foist upon you, abandoning you and your “safe home” environment by shockingly making you ride alone on a noisy school bus full of obnoxious screaming “bigger kid” bullies, just in order to sit for interminable periods in a stuffy classroom wif a shallow-and-impatient teacher who both forces you to interact wif da other hyper-and-scary classmates and tries to make you learn stuff dat is way above your intellect-level and thus you have no idea what he/she is talking about.
Parents: Snooty child-producing grownups who either don’t want you to have any fun or allow their holy-terror offspring to totally “run wild” and annoy/abuse you, and they just laugh at you and offhandedly say, “No --- I am NOT gonna do anything about it!” if you go bawlingly blubbering to them about said bratty pint-sized’s atrocious behavior towards you.
“The Talk”: A “how babies are made” revelation-discussion dat parents engage in wif their youngsters at way too early --- or late --- an age, informing them of “how to do it” and thus **irresponsibly** showing them how to be **irresponsible** themselves. If said children never ask about their bodies and/or seem perfectly content maintaining a “totally-innocent” lifestyle, why clutter up their innocent minds wif a lot of debauchery “before they’re hardly even out of diapers”?!
Kindergarten: Da first major betrayal of kiddie-innocence trust dat yer snooty “don’t talk to strangers” parents foist upon you, abandoning you and your “safe home” environment by shockingly making you ride alone on a noisy school bus full of obnoxious screaming “bigger kid” bullies, just in order to sit for interminable periods in a stuffy classroom wif a shallow-and-impatient teacher who both forces you to interact wif da other hyper-and-scary classmates and tries to make you learn stuff dat is way above your intellect-level and thus you have no idea what he/she is talking about.
Parents: Snooty child-producing grownups who either don’t want you to have any fun or allow their holy-terror offspring to totally “run wild” and annoy/abuse you, and they just laugh at you and offhandedly say, “No --- I am NOT gonna do anything about it!” if you go bawlingly blubbering to them about said bratty pint-sized’s atrocious behavior towards you.
“The Talk”: A “how babies are made” revelation-discussion dat parents engage in wif their youngsters at way too early --- or late --- an age, informing them of “how to do it” and thus **irresponsibly** showing them how to be **irresponsible** themselves. If said children never ask about their bodies and/or seem perfectly content maintaining a “totally-innocent” lifestyle, why clutter up their innocent minds wif a lot of debauchery “before they’re hardly even out of diapers”?!
by QuacksO December 7, 2025
Get the "Murphy's Law" dictionary mug.by Burrito_boy316 December 16, 2025
Get the Pean’s Laws mug.Your friends friend, basically a mutual but who the fuck wants to say that when you can say “Bro-In-Law”.
Guy 1: Yeah I had no clue who he was, but I dapped him up anyway because he was my Bro-In-Law.
Guy 2: What the hell is a Bro-In-Law?
Guy 1: it’s your friends buddy you don’t know.
Guy 2: oh so like a mutual?
Guy 1: i guess so
Guy 2: What the hell is a Bro-In-Law?
Guy 1: it’s your friends buddy you don’t know.
Guy 2: oh so like a mutual?
Guy 1: i guess so
by PillCrosby December 26, 2025
Get the Bro-In-Law mug.Sam’s Law
"All political compass charts on the internet are wrong and dumb."
An informal but succinct rule of thumb stating that political compass charts and political spectrums are fundamentally flawed, not useful and should be dismissed or read with healthy skepticism.
Even when driven by formalized questions, the familiar left/right and libertarian/authoritarian axes can’t escape the narrow worldview baked into their design. Complex political beliefs flattened into data points based on arbitrary questions and axes are still opinion packaged as empirical data — and that’s the best they get.
"All political compass charts on the internet are wrong and dumb."
An informal but succinct rule of thumb stating that political compass charts and political spectrums are fundamentally flawed, not useful and should be dismissed or read with healthy skepticism.
Even when driven by formalized questions, the familiar left/right and libertarian/authoritarian axes can’t escape the narrow worldview baked into their design. Complex political beliefs flattened into data points based on arbitrary questions and axes are still opinion packaged as empirical data — and that’s the best they get.
Sam's Law
“I stopped arguing once they pulled out a political compass chart. Sam’s Law applies.”
“When you see three different charts label the same thing as left, right, and authoritarian, remember Sam’s Law.”
“I stopped arguing once they pulled out a political compass chart. Sam’s Law applies.”
“When you see three different charts label the same thing as left, right, and authoritarian, remember Sam’s Law.”
by SeriousSam26 January 2, 2026
Get the Sam's Law mug.A Law that dictates someone won't check your other social media accounts, until you tick them off and they decide to search for dirt on you.
"Hey dude, what'd you mean by this post?"
"That's completely unrelated to this argument, Ad Hominem AND Cinder's Law."
"That's completely unrelated to this argument, Ad Hominem AND Cinder's Law."
by loopdiz January 7, 2026
Get the Cinder's Law mug.When your partner poops into a diaper and you take their feces and shove it up your own asshole and poop it back out
by dfinkel January 7, 2026
Get the Dubson’s Third Law mug.If a survivor refuses to engage in normal gameplay when they get chased - immediately giving up, going down on purpose, acting friendly, or effectively not trying - then that survivor will almost always be running a build that is mostly or entirely focused on fast generator completion (aggressive gen-speed / gen-efficiency perks), rather than chase, info, self-sustain, or anti-tunnel tools.
Person 1: “That Meg just stood still when I chased her and let herself go down instantly.”
Player 2: “Check her perks-she’s running full generator-speed stacking, zero chase or survival tools, classic second Otzdarva law.”
Player 2: “Check her perks-she’s running full generator-speed stacking, zero chase or survival tools, classic second Otzdarva law.”
by samui_sok_962 January 8, 2026
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