`Jesus

The man you slept with last night.

I woke up and in my bed next to me was `Jesus.

by Jesus Christoher March 22, 2009

Jesus

Main character in Son-O-God comics. Worlds first Ophthalmologist/Orthopedist. Suspected communist.

Q. Why did Jesus cross the road?

A. Because he was nailed to the chicken.

by scut monkey August 9, 2009

Jesus

If you don't know who Jesus is you're retarded

Bob: "Praise Jesus!"
Joe: "Who's that?"
Bob: "My mexican friend who saved my flowers from weeds!"
Joe: "How extrordinary!"

by p69er June 23, 2009

Jesus

An anti-war pinko and welfare state advocate who lived in ancient Israel.

Uninformed Reactionary Prick: Who is this Heyzeus fella? Sounds like a goddamned commie if ya ask me. Turn the other cheek..... what kinda pinko made up that bullshit?

URP #2: I ain't givin my hard earned money to them lazy poor people. What kinda bleeding-heart tree-humper came up with that idea? Jesus? Where'd ya here that from? The bible? Your pullin my leg.

by unpigeonholeable July 23, 2009

Jesus

1. a Man that does tricks
2. a fictional character

1. I will turn water into wine
2. Hey! Did you read the Bible? there's this guy called Jesus in it.

by Jospeh526 February 27, 2008

Jesus

Jesus, a man, who was really alive despite popular belief, you know he was as much alive as you are today it is a historical fact. He was also nailed to a cross which is also a historical fact and Christian's believe to be the personal Lord and Saviour of the world.

Jesus, please come into my heart. Are you there? Over? Can you knock three times on my pancreas if you made it in? Over?

by Emily Lawson May 3, 2008

Jesus

A schizophrenic person who lived a long time ago with followers who were also schizophrenic

"I am Jesus the Son of God!"

by Tech dude March 16, 2010