SYNONYMS: chokin' the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jackin' off, buffing the banana, wanking off, playing with yourself, tootin' your horn, fighting the purple helmet warrior, rubbing the one-eyed snake, commiting spermi

Some neurosurgeon posted a definition for masturbate with a bunch of synonyms and decided it would be a good idea to make them all one big link, which is how you got here to this page. Here's to that genius.

I hope that person catches AIDS from masturbating.



SYNONYMS: chokin' the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jackin' off, buffing the banana, wanking off, playing with yourself, tootin' your horn, fighting the purple helmet warrior, rubbing the one-eyed snake, commiting spermicide, taking your turn at the self-serve station, fishing with your zipper trout, beating the shit out of your midget friend, makin' mayo, polishing the family jewels, test-firing the old meat missle, wrapping the hand around the penis and moving it in a thrusting movement.

by Catamount June 21, 2008

Commit toaster bath

When someone tells you to commit toaster bath you should tell them ok I will do it

Person:go commit toaster bath
Person 2: ok I will never hanks for the idea

by Clown rat February 11, 2020

yeetus yeetus commit self deletus

a harry potter spell. it is one of the Unforgivable curses

voldemort: Yeetus yeetus commit self deletus
everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

by yeetus yeetus commit self dele April 28, 2023

you have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people

What say you in your defense?

Guard: You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people, what say you in your defense?

by TheVeryStrangeOne45 November 28, 2021

Ahh... free at last. O Gabriel, now dawns thy reckoning, and thy gore shall GLISTEN before the temples of Man! Creature of Steel, my gratitude upon thee for my freedom. But the crimes thy kind have committed against humanity are NOT forgotten!

best line in ultrakill

Minos fucking prime: Ahh... free at last. O Gabriel, now dawns thy reckoning, and thy gore shall GLISTEN before the temples of Man! Creature of Steel, my gratitude upon thee for my freedom. But the crimes thy kind have committed against humanity are NOT forgotten!

V1: no I win

by KFCworker April 26, 2025

Commit Dead Baby

The act of dying, and or killing someone in discrete manner. Often by the proxy of overmedicating.

Did you hear about Ginger? Turns out she pulled a Commit Dead Baby. I guess she shouldn’t have taken all that birth control.

by BenDober September 4, 2019

commit despacito

Similar to go commit die. Very poweful not to be used lightly. After use, this phrase prevents your victim from coming back, as well as engaging their cringe detectors to the maximum amount possible, making total annihilation the only outcome.

You should commit despacito

by Spicy_Memer April 2, 2024