Internet Diagnosing

The act of searching medical websites to match real or imagined symptoms in oneself or ones friends and family. This automatically makes the searcher a medical expert and this person is usually known for their hypochondriac tendencies and uncanny abilities to drive you nuts.

Woman A: (cough) "I'm not feeling so hot."

Woman B: "Do you have shortness of breath and a fever?"

Woman A: "Mayyyybe.... I feel a little warm..."

Woman B: "Let me do some internet diagnosing on WebMD....Oh my god!! You have Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis! We've gotta get you to the emergency room!"

by mel268 July 7, 2010

diagnostisizing

The present participle for diagnosis that I definitely didn't make up and put on urban dictionary for this assignment

The therapist couldn't figure out the patient's diagnosis even after much diagnostisizing

by Zangbeastt December 16, 2020

dual diagnosis

having both a psychiatric disorder and a substance abuse/dependence disorder

Rob experienced an episode of major depression and began self-medicating with alcohol. Now he has to battle his depression which has been compounded by alcohol abuse. Dual diagnosis must be accurately assessed and addressed for the patient to regain full mental health

by vango215 April 22, 2014

Diagnosticism

A new religion that IT technicians can call their own.

Hey man, wanna join the religion I just created for technicians, geeks and nerds? It's called diagnosticism.

by DelphinusMinor May 17, 2010

Fake Diagnosis

A fake diagnosis is a diagnosis given to a group of normal people who display unwanted behaviors. To gain public acceptance, the diagnosis is approved by the official psychiatric associations and supported by government and the medical establishment. Children in public schools are the most common victms.

Jimmy got removed from the class for objecting to being forced to sit in a room listening to pointless information. The authorities say he has autism and adhd. But we know that’s just a fake diagnosis.

by WHO watches Docs October 22, 2018

Zebra Diagnosis

When someone hears obvious telltale signs of one things, and assumes it's something similar but off the wall. Origins from the show Scrubs

Guy 1: I had a Zebra Diagnosis the other day.
Guy 2: What happened?
Guy 1:I heard galloping and whinnying so I assumed it was a zebra.

Guy 1: Man, I don't feel so good.
Guy 2: What's wrong?
Guy 1: My nose is running and I'm tired, I bet I have swine flu!
Guy 2: Dude, whatever. That's a zebra diagnosis, you have a cold.

by Z0604 May 12, 2009

Dr. James' Diagnosis

A "Dr. James' Diagnosis" is when someone - usually someone you know - tells you that they were diagnosed with either a crippling or lethal disease. They could state that they need to take illegal drugs in order to survive, or say they may dodge death if they are lucky. Sometimes both is stated. However, they are lying and unusually give no evidence why.
Of course, the "Dr. James' Diagnosis" is used to the benefit of the teller of a Dr. James' Diagnosis. Either for attention, or reason for doing illegal drugs without friends taking that into consideration.

The following is a conversation where James makes a Dr. James' Diagnosis:

James: "Sorry to say but I have lung cancer."
Richard: "Serious?"
James: "Yes, I'll need to smoke pot to survive."

by The Idiot Who Defines Slang. April 19, 2018