catastrophist

One who imagines the 'worst-case scenario' as something so completely horrific it borders on absurd. A 'catastrophist' usually starts by saying "Yeah but what if..." then, talking at a normal speed, increases speed until they're talking very quickly as they relate their vision of the 'worst-case scenario' which may involve any (or all) of the following things: A psycho with an axe, getting chopped up into little pieces, ending up homeless and destitute, sucking dick for crack, any number of serious diseases or medical afflictions (See Chuck Palahniuk's "Choke" the main character had catastrophist tendancies)

see also "final destinationism" (yet to be defined)

"Dude, it's one stupid term-paper"
"Yeah but if I don't do well on this one then my GPA falls and I'll never get into a good college and I won't get a good job and that will DEVASTATE my mother and she'll commit suicide and I'll have to take care of my little brother and he'll get Lupus, need a kidney and I will be forced to sell my ass on the street because I can't afford the surgery because I don't have health-care all because I failed this stupid paper!"
"Stop being such a catastrophist, it's not even worth 10% of your grade!!!"

by jaci_b October 12, 2007

Sophomore Catastrophe

Graduating class of 2012, AKA If the world ends in 2012 I just wasted my whole life in school.

"I might as well just drop out now!"

"Why would you do that?!"

"Listen, when the sophomore catastrophe comes your going to be mad because you just spent your whole life in school, while I'll be laughing it up in GUAM!"

"...."

"I'm just saying... Think about it..."

by cookiedough5454 January 3, 2010

Colombian Catastrophe

Explosive, stomach spasming diarrhea brought on by drinking too much coffee in the morning and not enough breakfast.

Bob- Hey Bill What's up??
Bill- Not now Bob, I've had three cups of Maxwell House this morning and I'm about to experience a Colombian Catastrophe...

by PRC 123 July 23, 2011

Catastrophous

An overturning misfortune that turns into a fiasco that makes you lose sight of your original purpose or plan.

OR

In poker terms-When your plan of bluffing with complete air, nothing that resembles a hand, blows up in your face and puts you out of the tourney.

Man, I can't believe that play didn't work against that guy. That was catastrophous

by BigSkinnyExpress April 12, 2011

Catassathrolagus

A disease of unknown origin that affects people usually in the throat. Creates confusion in the thought process and words that are spoken or sentences are not easily understood. This disease is not contagious and there are no pre-cursor symptoms. Can usually be treated with a combination of 2 asprin, 1 viagra and 1 adderrall.

Deb contracted a severe case of catassathrolagus last night while sleeping.

by vdub4motion May 2, 2013

catastrophEmail

This is a critical email failure. It is caused by one seeing a very important email in the inbox and then putting it off so the proper time and thought can go into the reply. By procrastinating, the email then gets buried by new emails pouring in and it never gets responded to, causing a catastrophe.

Term coined by Byrnes Consulting, LLC

Question: "Why did Bob get fired?"
Reply: "A catastrophEmail took another victim. If only he replied right away!"

by Byrnes Consulting, LLC November 8, 2017

Cacasmeer

caca

Person 1: What is that on the walls?
Vera: I'm sorry I'm just lonely so I grabbed my poo out of the toilet and smeared it on the wall.
Person 1: Its alright Vera. Im kinda attracted to this.
Vera: Really? Thanks!
Person 1: Yeah.. Kiss me Vera
Vera and Person 1: Makes out and uses cacasmeer.

by ilovegaymilfs November 22, 2022