American Football is the name given to a mass homoerotic orgy masquerading as a sport. It is only exceeded in man-loving gayness by the similar psuedo-sport of Wrestling. The main objectives of American Football are to:
1) Provide an extended opportunity for exceptionally fit and muscular men to run toward each other and proceed to grope and hug one another.
2) Provide many opportunities for selected football players to watch their spandex-wearing cohorts bend over and symbolically pass a turd-shaped object through their legs.
3) Provide an excuse for the entire football team to get naked together and shower in private.
Most players of American Football like their sex-play rough, as is evidenced by the nature of their activities while dressed up in fetish-wear for the occasion. Padding is used, particularly around the shoulders to give the men an exaggerated look of masculinity that adds to the raw erotic power they display to both their teammates and the opposing team.
Surprisingly, most participants and fans of American Football do not embrace their obvious homosexuality as readily as they embrace other participants/fans. Most will even deny any hint of homoeroticism inherent in the activity, despite its gaiety being greater than that of most civic Gay Pride parades. This paradoxical aspect is thought to enhance one's enjoyment of the activity, and could perhaps be seen as a type of role-play where gay men pretend to be heterosexual while engaging in or watching one of the most gay activities ever devised.
1) Provide an extended opportunity for exceptionally fit and muscular men to run toward each other and proceed to grope and hug one another.
2) Provide many opportunities for selected football players to watch their spandex-wearing cohorts bend over and symbolically pass a turd-shaped object through their legs.
3) Provide an excuse for the entire football team to get naked together and shower in private.
Most players of American Football like their sex-play rough, as is evidenced by the nature of their activities while dressed up in fetish-wear for the occasion. Padding is used, particularly around the shoulders to give the men an exaggerated look of masculinity that adds to the raw erotic power they display to both their teammates and the opposing team.
Surprisingly, most participants and fans of American Football do not embrace their obvious homosexuality as readily as they embrace other participants/fans. Most will even deny any hint of homoeroticism inherent in the activity, despite its gaiety being greater than that of most civic Gay Pride parades. This paradoxical aspect is thought to enhance one's enjoyment of the activity, and could perhaps be seen as a type of role-play where gay men pretend to be heterosexual while engaging in or watching one of the most gay activities ever devised.
Man 1: "Did you see that American Football tackle!?"
Man 2: "Come here, you!!"
Other Man 1: "I'm going to the American Football game, dressed in a satin jersey because I like the way it rubs against my nipples when I cheer."
Other Man 2: "I'm going to the American Football game wearing seductive and sexy bodypaint over my exposed torso."
Other Man 3: "Come here, you guys!!"
Man 2: "Come here, you!!"
Other Man 1: "I'm going to the American Football game, dressed in a satin jersey because I like the way it rubs against my nipples when I cheer."
Other Man 2: "I'm going to the American Football game wearing seductive and sexy bodypaint over my exposed torso."
Other Man 3: "Come here, you guys!!"
by Mike and not Spike October 25, 2006
Nathan: Did you watch the American football last night?
Lawrence: Is that the sport where men of questionable sexuality covered in plastic jump on top of each other.
Nathan: Yeah, apparently they throw a 'ball' around as some sort of cover for the whole thing.
Lawrence: Is that the sport where men of questionable sexuality covered in plastic jump on top of each other.
Nathan: Yeah, apparently they throw a 'ball' around as some sort of cover for the whole thing.
by Jim Birtwisle February 5, 2008
by Alex Marz March 28, 2005
Probably the most boring sport in the world. People standing around for minutes on end in silly science fiction costumes and occasionally running for a few seconds. Far too many rules and not enough flow. About as exciting as watching people play chess. Watch real football (the most popular sport in the world, for good reason) if you crave real excitement.
Patient: Doctor, I'm having difficulty sleeping.
Doctor: Just watch some American Football and you'll be asleep in a few minutes.
Doctor: Just watch some American Football and you'll be asleep in a few minutes.
by midnite serpent September 24, 2007
Probably the gayest sport ever. You're gay if you like watching "big, strong mean who probably aren't using steroids just to look cool" tackle each other on the ground while carrying a pig skin ball. Grow a pair and play Rugby you pussys
by A Rebel October 11, 2010
Gay American sport. Bunch of dumbass steroid using fags trying to hump each other while trying to run to the other side of the field. Stops every 10 seconds and lots of subs because the players are too fat to run much.
Look at that steroid jacked dumbass with the pig-skin under that pile of men. He might graduate high school with an D average if he's lucky. It must be an American football.
by Triple Z July 11, 2008
Shite American "sport" for fat people to play and watch.
Physical fitness is not required as play stops every minute for a 5 minute break when the coaches play a basterdised version of physical chess. Not to mention the fact that the entire team gets changed round several times a game. Why? Because one player is to stupid to be able to know how to both attack AND defend!
Players wear pads and helmets because they are too feckin dumb to learn how to tackle properly (like in Rugby). Padding is like giveing a swimmer a boat.
I couldn't give a shit who or how big Ray Lewis is. If he took all that gay padding off and came across Jona Lomu or any of the New Zealand rugby squad he would know what a tackle is. The bigger they are the harder they fall. And if everyone keeps quoting his name because he's huge at 250lbs that's about the MINIMUM weight for an international rugby forward.
How many "football" players actually look like they've been in a game? They're all pretty boys who don't know what a good studing or stamping on feels like. They should be put at the bottom of rook to see what it feels like without padding.
To summarise - shit, slow, lazy game (sport is too generous a word) played by fat, unfit people and supported by self obssessed, ignorant, xenophobic yanks who believe that because it is their sport it is the best in the world and their players are the biggest and strongest.
Physical fitness is not required as play stops every minute for a 5 minute break when the coaches play a basterdised version of physical chess. Not to mention the fact that the entire team gets changed round several times a game. Why? Because one player is to stupid to be able to know how to both attack AND defend!
Players wear pads and helmets because they are too feckin dumb to learn how to tackle properly (like in Rugby). Padding is like giveing a swimmer a boat.
I couldn't give a shit who or how big Ray Lewis is. If he took all that gay padding off and came across Jona Lomu or any of the New Zealand rugby squad he would know what a tackle is. The bigger they are the harder they fall. And if everyone keeps quoting his name because he's huge at 250lbs that's about the MINIMUM weight for an international rugby forward.
How many "football" players actually look like they've been in a game? They're all pretty boys who don't know what a good studing or stamping on feels like. They should be put at the bottom of rook to see what it feels like without padding.
To summarise - shit, slow, lazy game (sport is too generous a word) played by fat, unfit people and supported by self obssessed, ignorant, xenophobic yanks who believe that because it is their sport it is the best in the world and their players are the biggest and strongest.
"Do you wanna go play some sports"
"Nah i'll sit here and drink beer and eat nachos because i'm a fat lazy yank"
"Nah i'll sit here and drink beer and eat nachos because i'm a fat lazy yank"
by Mike March 26, 2005