16 definitions by Jim Birtwisle

4ft 2' tall actor brainwashed into scientology. His film characters have a continuing theme that can be broken down into 3 clearly identifiable segments:

1)Beginning - He is the best at what he does (such as flying planes or driving cars)

2)Middle - Has a crisis of confidence (such as a friend dying) but meets love interest who helps him.

3)Ending - Pulls through it and returns to being the best at what he does (such as being a pilot).

Tom Cuise is now perhaps most famous for his sham marriage to Katie Holmes and being a couch jumping Scientologist who doesn't like being squirted with water.
Richard: I saw a Tom Cruise film last night

James: Which one?

Richard: I can't remember exactly, it started with him being the best at what he did, he had a crisis of confidence, but pulled through it in the end.

James: Well that doesn't narrow it down at all!

Richard: Y-You're a jerk, you're a jerk!
by Jim Birtwisle February 5, 2008
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A piece of crap email and data base client server. It has millions of user throughout the world, however you won't find anybody who considers it easy to use.

Interfaces are difficult to navigate and the programme often crashes or stays hanging, requiring the user to restart the application or completely reboot the computer. It is characterised by ugly colour schemes and unecessarily tedious command requirements to carry out simple tasks. Want to see an email attachment with just 2 mouse clicks? Forget it. The use of Lotus Notes is scientifically linked to rage disorders.

As one website puts it, it is "the digital equivalent of being kicked in the groin upon arrival at work every day"
Welcome to your new job Sir, here we use Lotus Notes...Sir, why are you running away? Sir...Sir!!!
by Jim Birtwisle February 20, 2008
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A sub-standard beach game involving two small round velcro pads strapped flat against the palm of the hand and a fluffy tennis ball. It took the British beach holiday by storm in the nineties until it's flaws came to light. These being that the pads were useless if they came into contact with sand and the ball likewise with water. There were many children left dissapointed with Scatch, I was one of them.
Look at those two kids over there, their Scatch isn't working either!
by Jim Birtwisle March 13, 2008
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Alternative to Big ups. A phrase used when a only a small, but still relevant amount of respect is due or when trying to keep a big up concealed from another person. Most effective when used in conjunction a sly low-five or a knowing nod of the head.

Can also be used as sarcasm upon hearing news from someone who thought their achievement would command more respect than it was realistically worth.
Hey Dan, I merk'd John at Pro Evo the other day,

wow, little-ups to that bro!
by Jim Birtwisle January 22, 2008
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To drive a vehicle fitted with large (and usually ridiculous looking) alloy wheels. Rock stars and footballers proudly roll on some of the biggest dubs that often have spinning centres that automatically make them look like retards.
Matt, I saw Joe Cole in his car yesterday.

Was he rolling on dubs?

Yeah, he looked like a total knob.
by Jim Birtwisle January 15, 2008
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The act of using Facebook to recall a previous night's intoxicated events using photos added by others.
I don't remember going to that bar at all. I only have a facebook memory thanks to Adams photos.
by Jim Birtwisle November 19, 2007
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Composite of 'chrity' and 'mugger'. These people will stop you in the street and talk to you as if they are your oldest and best friend. All of which is a false cover for their real intention. Working on commission, they need people to donate to the charities which they 'represent' and to do this they will guilt trip you into handing over all your details.
One effective way of giving to the charity, yet not being conned into surrendering your card details and other sensitive information is to request the address and contact details of the charities head office and offer to make a direct payment. This will annoy the chugger as it cuts them out of the equation but you will have the upper hand. Otherwise try to think of a quirky reply to their begging for which they will have no answer or look straight through them.
Chugger: Do you like children?

Me: Yes, but I couldn't eat a whole one.

Chugger: (silence and look of shock)
by Jim Birtwisle January 17, 2008
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