Almond Joy

The male version of a camel toe where you can see the outline of the dudes junk from pants that are too tight.

Dude, check out Tim's Almond Joy. No wonder he's always depressed.

by Duane Ball May 17, 2004

jeffrey almonte

The realist nigga alive

Nigga you a Jeffrey almonte

by Almonteisthebae March 29, 2017

almond joy

The act of deceiving a receptive sexual partner into thinking you're unwrapping and putting on a condom, while in reality you're simply unwrapping and consuming a candy bar. Success depends in large part on your partner's non-visualization of your hands and penis, either by means of a darkened room or sexual positioning (e.g. doggy style), as well as lack of familiarity with the feel of a bare vs. sheathed penis. May be additionally satisfying if you're able to consume the candy bar while actively having bareback intercourse.

"Sarah was drunk and totally DTF last night, but I didn't have any jim hats on hand, so I just turned off the lights and pulled an almond joy."

"My blind girlfriend was a virgin before we dated, so I felt pretty comfortable giving her an almond joy without risking an STD."

That dude doesn't like to bareback, but he's so high on ecstasy he doesn't even know that the guy behind him just slipped it in almond joy style.

by SchlitzKicker January 9, 2011

Choke On An Almond

When a person who lacks blowjob giving skills gags on a less than average penis.

I don't know what was wrong with me last night; I finally got James naked and I gagged on his dick, and it was only four inches long! I can usually deep throat to 8 inches but sometimes I still choke on an almond.

by Lexxtacular November 2, 2011

Altoona

a. A small town in West Central Pennsylvania

b. The birthplace of civilization (at which time, it just stopped growing, and remained completely primal as the inhabitants continued to abuse pain medication and drive pick-up trucks to Wal-Mart.)

"Hey, yins! Wanna go walk around Wal-Mart?!"

by The Artist Formerly Known as Elyse September 16, 2005

Almond Breeze

The medicine to everything; in other words, The modern day holy water. Take a sip, and you will become as healthy as an almond tree that is grown under California sunshine.

Justin: Man that juice slaps what's it called
Becky: It's almond juice. Almond Breeze, to be exact. I've heard that the president beat covid by drinking this.

by dropwlrcartitiredofleakssmh October 7, 2020

Scorched Almond

To place a testicle into the anus. When it is pulled out it is covered in faeces.

John: Do you remember that girl Hannah?
Tom: Yeah?
John: Well I just gave her a Scorched Almond, my nut hurts but it felt so good!
Tom: *leaves*

by Flute Salad October 9, 2015