Satanic Jesus

Jesus with horns, a pitchfork and a devil's tail adorned with a crown of thorns. He has a shepherd's crook and a pentagram necklace. Ruler of Hellven. He walks on cloven hoof. You must forgive him for everybody's sins since he's taking responsibility for them.

"The rod and the staff of Satanic Jesus is the comforting key to eternal salivation!"

by ANOTHERDEADROMEO April 27, 2023

Jesus

What if Jesus was a fat guy with curly/bushy and dark hair, but nobody knows it because they always see a skinny guy with fair hair that looks like a Northern European in a stained glass window at a church? What if the church wanted the image that would draw in the most money, instead of the true image, isn't that a possibility?

Nobody was alive back when Jesus was, so he might have been a fat guy with curly/bushy hair that looks nothing like what people usually see at church.

by Solid Mantis February 12, 2021

Jesus

Keanu Reeves Doppelgänger

"Jesus is in the new Matrix movie"

by PotRoastLover21 December 19, 2021

Jesus Syndrome

When a person believes someone (who won or didn't win the presidency, politicians in general) or some fairytale entity (jesus, the devil) is responsible for why their lives suck and bad things always happen to them and allow those entities to instill fear (fear of going to hell, fear of becoming "cattle breeding" by men if Trump wins etc). A true adult takes accountability and responsibility for their own life, outcomes, happiness, and as such creates the life they want without blaming anyone else. Blaming others keeps one in a state of being a child, sheeple, as they never grow up and are truly responsible for their own actions.

Better watch what you say to John Doe, he suffers Jesus Syndrome and will use it as ammunition to never do anything in life and swear you were the reason his entire life was ruined forever.

by GO DJ HaKa November 16, 2024

Jesus cable

A Jesus cable is a cable that will likely cause death, fire or an explosion, like a 220V to USB-C cable.

Mate A: Don't plug that one in.
Mate B: Why?
Mate A: It's a Jesus cable, you'll die if you do.

by SmokeAlt2EveryDay August 21, 2023

Jesus Hernandez C

literally so h0t just ask me out already

hint - my zodiac starts with a a

“hey Jesus Hernandez C ur annoying”

by urfavhater November 22, 2021

Jesus jazz

Christian rock performed in a megachurch (often by dudes whose 80's hair bands didn't make it big).

She's all into Jesus jazz and bible study.

by whittlesshittlestendervittles December 30, 2012