Jesus

Yeah they aren't going to be in any order. It'll just be as I think of them. I actually thought of these a while ago but whatever...

Guard "Um, ah shit this is gonna suck- Harod? Um... King Harod?"

Harod "What!?"

Guard "Um... Shit... There's a guy running around saying he's the creature dawg."

Harod "Pft! What!?" *snickers*

Guard "Uh... Yeah... It's pretty bad man."

Harod "Wait, what?" 🤨

Guard "Yeah, no he is walkin on water and shit... Making fish-"

Harod "MAKING FISH! OH! OOOOOOH SHIT"

Guard "Yeah........"

Harod "OOOOOH SHIT! OH! I'M HYPERVENTILATING! OOOOOH! THIS!"

Guard "Yeah..."

Harod "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?"

Guard "I donno man..."

Harod "OOOOH SHIT.... He is going to fuck our shit UP MY GUY!"

Guard "Damn..."

Harod "Yeah! This is not a good thing. What's happening right now? We are fucked! Oh man- Where is it!? What is it even doing!? What do I even call it!?"

Guard "He's- Yeah... He's like a guy man. He's Jesus. He's got a name and everything. He's like a guy now... In the world. Just HERE."

Harod 😨

Guard "Yahp..."

Harod "Get it. Get rid of it. Wait! Bring it here... Bring it here I need to see it."

Guard "How... Am I supposed to..."

Harod "Bwah, shit I don't know... Get a bunch of guys. Grab him. Put him in a sack."

Guard *sigh*

Harod "Yeahyeah I know it's... Look. We gotta get it man. Holy shit this is really bad..."

Guard "Yeah... Alright..."

by Hym Iam August 9, 2023

Jesus Smuggling

Ha! Hahaha! Good for you! I'm proud of you!

Hym "Yeah, no he IS Jesus Smuggling. He do be doing that. That's funny that you actually called him out for it. Even after the fact. It's so dishonest. By defining God thay way it implicit that the people who consider it an active and sentient being that has acted upon reality on several occasions by engaging in direct dialogue with key figures thought history. And he hates ME because his sophistry doesn't work on me."

by Hym Iam December 29, 2023

Jesus's Love

A drug comprised of Acid and THC oil frozen with a piece of sheep's heart in the middle representing the sacrifice of the Lamb of God (Made in Ice Trays and crushed to be eaten).

Guy: Yo bro can I get some of that Jesus's Love?

Plug: Yeah dude it's 50 a piece you'll be tripping for weeks.

by Bac Helor June 6, 2018

Jesus Christ

honestly the coolest guy i know

these weird athiest fuckers piss me off in the definitions

Jesus Christ is very cool

by me lolita September 3, 2025

jumping jack jesus

An attempt to jump SF to Alcatraz on a ramp built for Pastrana to do using only Element 115.

Bird_ This is the shit Lazar sent me.
Pastrana_ Good????..
Bird_ It's OK.

SNOOP DOG_ shit GaryMike...
li da jumping jack jesus
Pastrana_ What about GARYMIKE???
Craig_ yep. go get em Tiger.
Aaron. I love you Garymike.

by craigbird1968 January 28, 2021

black jesus

A term referring to an African American with extraordinary talent.

Michael Jordan advised the player who was guarding him not to mess wih "black Jesus."

by Originnone May 22, 2016

3 pointer jesus

someone who knows their Jesus even when they ballin on the court

man look at him being a 3 pointer jesus!

by AyyyePappi101 August 3, 2017