Chronic Wanker

One who carries around with them the uncontrollable urge to have a wank. This condition makes seemingly simple outings rather difficult.

Guy1: Yo man? Have you ever noticed all the white stains on the carpets in Doug's apartment?

Guy2: Yeah man its cause he's a fucking chronic wanker.

by doubledew June 15, 2010

Phone Wanker

Someone with an overwhelming obsession with their phone, phone related apps and equipment. Someone with a new phone who is generally a boring person with nothing relevant or interesting to talk about. Someone with an aggressive need to show you their phone and tell you about its uninteresting attachments.

Look at my new phone, it has an app that comes up with interesting phone related conversation starters. Check out how much music my phone has! Why would I want to sleep with you when, instead we can talk about how much memory my phone has. I have no personality but my phone can be used as a metal detector. I am a complete Phone Wanker!

by The Scuzzy one October 28, 2010

wanker tank

Large SUV's driven by (riff raff), fotballers and other such common folk in London. Usually these vehicles have tinted windows and several other shiny modifications.

Look, there's John Terry in his wanker tank

by Sandenc October 16, 2006

Home-Wanker

One who habitually stays home, or in places comfortable to them. A condition often accompanied by heavy marijuana use and a pale pallor. Also described as someone with an unwillingness to show up for fun stuff.

Drummer: Oh man, we need Dylan to dial in that guitar solo! Did you call him?

Pianist: Yeah, but that home-wanker won't answer! You know he's playin' x-box or something.

by Alligator Fuck Master December 17, 2009

Wanker's Arm

1) When the muscle of one arm is pumped up due to too much masturbation.
2) When one arm is aching because of too much masturbation.
3) When one arm is aching due to the repeated performance of a task such as sanding down a piece of wood.

Joe: I am a chronic masturbator. I suffer from Wanker's Arm.

by he_who_pwns_j00 October 18, 2006

Jehovah's Wankers

An insult toward Jehovah's Witness. First recorded use was in GradeAUnderA's video, "People I Hate at my Door", where Grade uses it as an example of how NOT to react to Jehovah's.

"OH MY GOD!! Fucking Jehovah's WANKERS come to MY house, and politely ask me if I have a few minutes spare to talk about God!...BASTARDS!! HOW DARE THEY?!"

by Turn the Lights Off August 4, 2016

Wanker's remorse

The slight feeling of guilt a man feels immediately after masturbation, brought about by a possible sense of shame, regret, hollowness inside about the absence of a girlfriend, or all of the above. This come-down is normally felt by a man who realises that his onanistic practices are merely filling the void in his life that should be occupied by a girlfriend and this feeling is nature's way of telling him that evenings alone in front of the TV sat flicking between late-night Bongo channels is not the answer.

I was bored again last night so I choked the chicken, which was ineveitably followed by Wanker's Remorse

by Patrick Antonis August 22, 2006