taint dial

when shitting in a public restroom, one may be afraid to rest your phone on a strange surface. the only other option is to rest it in your underwear as a safety net. depending on how the long the wipe takes, one may forget to remove the phone. once the pants are pulled up and snug, you may dial the phone with your taint

Damien: "i was on the toilet so long the other night, i forgot i rested a mean game of angry birds on my drawers. wouldn't you know when all was said and done, i taint dialed my mom. plus, the phone smelled like burnt tacos for a week."

butt dial
pocket dial

by luvitwenucallmebigpasta July 17, 2012

taint wad

The rolled up kleenex that a man will stuff between your butt checks to soak up the sweat during the heat of the summer.

It was a hot humid steaming day and John was concerned that his taint wad was slipping from his crack!!

by SugarCube May 23, 2013

tainted berserker

A relative of the dingleberry, the tainted berserker is a fierce fleck of fecal matter that has invaded upon the grundle region (tainted) as a result of a particularly violent, berserker-style bowel movement.

Strauss invoked the power of Odin upon the porcelain throne of Assgard, thus requiring copious amounts of toilet paper to ensure that no tainted berserkers were creeping up on his family jewels.

by Caible October 10, 2013

taint stew

When your dick and balls are sweating hard as fuck so your taint is sweating as well, thus begins a mix to create a stew like brew that smells of old sweaty gym socks, sweaty earring backs, and sweaty testicles.

"Bruh I got the meanest taint stew brewing right now, my balls are sweaty as hell."

by 12Soft June 15, 2014

taint tingler

When you wipe your ass and the toilet paper stacks up so high that it tickles your ass and balls when you flush

That shit I just took was a taint tingler

by johnnydigher April 7, 2015

taint welding

To reach a point of stress, anticipation, or engaging an act that is so extreme that you clench the cheeks of your buttocks together so tightly, that your taint is effectively welded together.

John was driving so recklessly that Steve was taint welding in the passenger's seat

by TK42FUN May 4, 2015

Taint Shelf

The tiny, almost useless, passenger accommodation on most modern sportsbikes. Often referred to as a “pillion”, this small, hard cushion has the effect of bludgeoning the area between the passenger’s genitals and anus throughout the ride. Because of its height relative to the driver and generally awkward seating position, these seats have a reputation for deterring passengers from wanting to ride along. These seats are a characteristic of the split tail style of motorcycles, opposed to the conventional “banana” seat (single piece) design. The prevalence of this pragmatically useless design can be attributed to the greatly improved aesthetics and improved control of the motorcycle while in full tuck, as the driver can scoot back into the shelf to secure themselves from sliding further rearward.

“Dude, do you remember having to ride bitch on my Zx10r?”
“Yeah bra, my ass still huts from that retarded taint shelf…”

by Thirdgengearhead May 12, 2015