mattress lap

An bountifully haired pubic region, usually on a female, with the appearance of a part stuffed mattress.

Uncommon due to the exponential growth of styled pubic depilation amongst the teen and twenty something demographic.

Wow look at that!!

Ya think it's a merkin?

Mebbe, but it is a she is a true Mattress Lap

by Townsman July 28, 2016

Mattress Monster

A Mattress Monster is a fat and or butt ugly broad who likes rough and dirty sex and is likely to be infected with multiple varieties of crotch rot.

Dude 1: "Hey man, that broad's hot. I'd do her so hard her grandmother would cum!"
Dude 2: "Oh man! That's sick, you couldn't pay me to stick my dick in that fucking mattress monster. She looks like the love child of Roseanne Barr and Caitlyn Jenner!

by Nubian_Mattress_Monster July 15, 2016

minnesota memory foam mattress

When on a one night stand, and sleeping at the other person's residence, you wait until the other person is asleep. You then shit the bed, clean yourself off, and push the sleeping person into the shit you just left in the bed.

I'm not sure what happened, I just woke up completely covered in shit.

Sounds like he gave you the ol' Minnesota memory foam mattress!!

by talontd92tsi November 9, 2015

mattress sniffer

A mattress sniffer, someone who hides under a bed in the hope of sniffing their ladies period leaks

Man I'm such a mattress sniffer, last night I hid under the bed with my wife's tampons so she had no choice but to leak her red gushing goodness everywhere

by StretchyRaff November 29, 2016

mattress-magnetism

A strong/intense EMF-field that emanates from your bed-springs; said powerful field creates a debilitating "pull" on the iron in your blood and thus makes it very hard for you to get out of bed, especially on those occasions when it is absolutely necessary for you to do so, such as when it's time to get ready for work, you "need to pee real bad", the telephone or doorbell rings, someone else in the household (child, pet, elderly house-guest, etc.) urgently requires your assistance, etc.

I am firmly convinced dat there is a great conspiracy among Sealy, Serta, and da other major mattress-manufacturers to intentionally create mattresses that mess with your body and cause you to feel groggy and heavy when trying to lift your head up off da pillow. Perhaps they specifically design their mattresses' coil-springs to act like magnetic coils that harness the earth's magnetic field and then create a strong magnetic pull on your iron-rich blood, this "mattress-magnetism" is why it's often such a gargantuan struggle to raise yerself off da sheets.

by QuacksO January 31, 2019

mattress eater

hoNEyYBeES

being a mattress eater is not healthy bro

by jaymethazine May 16, 2021

mattress folder

When they fuck you so good you grab onto the mattress and bend it...in a sense folding it

Bro my girl is so good in bed. Really mattress folder good?? Hell Ya she is a mattress folder.

by shyvanismommy July 3, 2016