by rifleviejo January 23, 2009
Get the Culette mug.A sissy, pathetic and lame excuse for a vampire. What was once a well respected and feared, truly evil creature of nightmare has now been turned into a bleeding vagina symbol of puberty, vanity and Hot Topic. He is an incredibly two-demensional and skin deep character who's only thought process is "I love you, Bella, I love you, Bella, I love you, Bella, etc...". I will never forgive Stephenie Meyer for this attrocity. Bram Stoker must be turning in his grave.
Sorry to burst you wet dream bubble you emo, vampire-wanabes, but Edward has so many undateable qualities about him I thought I'd list a few.
1. He sparkles like glitter. Last time I checked straight men didn't do that.
2. He can't get a boner: Boners are caused when the spongy tissue (not a muscle) of the penis fills with warm, circulating blood. Edward's heart does not pump blood throughout his system as he is dead, and therefore it is not logical for him to get a boner. In lamen's terms, Edward has a permanent softy. At least now we know why he won't screw Bella despite the fact that she is whorishly throwing herself at him.
3. He is old. 107 years old I believe. Even though you have probably heard this argument before, you probably have not thought about the fact that being this old probably makes him a racist, a sexist, a communist and every other -ist that I can think of.
4. Finally, the guy is DEAD! What the hell is wrong with you? You necrophiliacs.
Sorry to burst you wet dream bubble you emo, vampire-wanabes, but Edward has so many undateable qualities about him I thought I'd list a few.
1. He sparkles like glitter. Last time I checked straight men didn't do that.
2. He can't get a boner: Boners are caused when the spongy tissue (not a muscle) of the penis fills with warm, circulating blood. Edward's heart does not pump blood throughout his system as he is dead, and therefore it is not logical for him to get a boner. In lamen's terms, Edward has a permanent softy. At least now we know why he won't screw Bella despite the fact that she is whorishly throwing herself at him.
3. He is old. 107 years old I believe. Even though you have probably heard this argument before, you probably have not thought about the fact that being this old probably makes him a racist, a sexist, a communist and every other -ist that I can think of.
4. Finally, the guy is DEAD! What the hell is wrong with you? You necrophiliacs.
Girl with down syndrome: OMG EDWARD CULLEN IS SOOO HAWT. I TOTALLY LOVE HIM AND I WANT TO MARRY HIM. HE IS GORGEOUS AND HAS NO FLAWS. YATTI YATTI YATTA, BLAH BLAH BLAH etc etc etc
Me: there goes another one of god's disappointments.
Me: there goes another one of god's disappointments.
by Bzzzzzzz February 18, 2011
Get the Edward Cullen mug.When your having sex on the beach and your penis comes out, and then you stick it back in and her lips are covered in sand and when your all done, her vagina looks like breaded veal cutlets
"I heard Cliff was having se with Jane on the beach and it slipped out and he ended up giving her the breaded veal cutlet."
by Le Zench April 25, 2009
Get the breaded veal cutlet mug.After ejaculating on a girls face, glitter is thrown all over the ejaculate so as to cause glimmering from the nearest light source emulating the shimmer of the faggy vampires, The Cullens, in the Twilight Saga.
This chick kept telling me she was waiting for her "Edward", so when I finally got to hit it I gave her The Cullen Facial!
by D3vious January 10, 2011
Get the The Cullen Facial mug.by 49Aynsley June 5, 2019
Get the Cumlet mug.THE hottest fictional character ever created by Stephenie Meyer.
He has mesys bronze hair, super-pale skin that sparkles in the sunlight, and is really tall. He's super strong, super fast, and above all, a vegetarian vampire!
He has mesys bronze hair, super-pale skin that sparkles in the sunlight, and is really tall. He's super strong, super fast, and above all, a vegetarian vampire!
by Fuji-chan June 10, 2008
Get the Edward Cullen mug.That vampire that dazzles people. All the guys are jelous of him, and all the girls are obbsesed with him. He sets an extremly high expectation for girls looking for guys. Unfortunatly he is a fictional character from Stephanie Meyer's novels: Twilight Saga.
Girl #1: Hey doesnt Jeff look hot today!?
Girl #2: Not as hot as Edward Cullen!
Girl #1: WHO!?
Girl #2: You dont know Edward Cullen?
Girl #2: Not as hot as Edward Cullen!
Girl #1: WHO!?
Girl #2: You dont know Edward Cullen?
by Kirsty(: October 9, 2008
Get the Edward Cullen mug.