How do you keep four blondes entertained in a bar? Turn the bar stool upside down. That's pretty funny.
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Son: Dad, everyone in my class is talking about vaginas, but I don't get it. What do they look like?
Dad: Well son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose.
Son: So what does it look like after sex?
Dad: Hmm...Lemme put it this way...have you ever seen a bulldog eat mayonaise?
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A husband said to his wife, "Honey, can I take a picture of your breasts so I can see them whenever I want?" And the wife replied, "Yeah, sure. But then I get to take a picture of your shlong so I can get it enlarged."
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*NEWSFLASH* Snow White was chucked out of Disney World. She reportedly pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinnochio's face and said, "LIE BASTARD, LIE"
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So a guy is walking down the street and he sees a sign outside a bar that says, "Pianist Wanted." The guy goes into the bar and says, "Hi, I saw the sign outside your bar." The owner says, "Oh yes. Can you play piano?" The guy says, "Well, I haven't played in a few years, but I used to be quite good at it." The owner gestures to a piano in the corner and says, "Show me what you can do." The guy goes over and starts to play the most beautiful piece that the bar owner has ever heard. When he's finished the owner says, "That was so amazing. What is it called?" The guy says, "Oh, it's called Your Mom Is A Big Fat Slut. I wrote it myself." The owner is a little weirded out, but says, "Okay, whatever. What else can you play?" The guy begins to play another song. This one is even more beautiful than the other one, and by the end the owner feels his eyes tearing. He says, "That is so impressive." The guy says, "Thank you. It's called Your Sister Slept With The Football Team. I wrote it myself" After a bit of thinking, the owner says, "Well, you get the job. Come around tonight, and just do your thing. People will request songs, but you just have to remember NOT to tell them the title of the song."
So the guy goes home, and at 8pm, he dons his old tux. However, because he hasn't worn it in a while, and he's gained some weight over the years, he can only fit into it if he isn't wearing underwear. But no matter, he goes to the bar.
While he's walking there, he realizes that he dropped his money, so he bends down to pick it up. What he doesn't realize though, is that when he bends over, his pants split open.
So now he's in the bar, and everyone loves his piano skills. Then some chick comes up to him and says, "Hey guy, do you know your fat hairy balls are showing?" The guy looks up and smiles proudly, saying, "Oh yes! I wrote it myself!"
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Son: Dad, everyone in my class is talking about vaginas, but I don't get it. What do they look like?
Dad: Well son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose.
Son: So what does it look like after sex?
Dad: Hmm...Lemme put it this way...have you ever seen a bulldog eat mayonaise?
-------------------------------
A husband said to his wife, "Honey, can I take a picture of your breasts so I can see them whenever I want?" And the wife replied, "Yeah, sure. But then I get to take a picture of your shlong so I can get it enlarged."
-----------------------------
*NEWSFLASH* Snow White was chucked out of Disney World. She reportedly pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinnochio's face and said, "LIE BASTARD, LIE"
-------------------------------
So a guy is walking down the street and he sees a sign outside a bar that says, "Pianist Wanted." The guy goes into the bar and says, "Hi, I saw the sign outside your bar." The owner says, "Oh yes. Can you play piano?" The guy says, "Well, I haven't played in a few years, but I used to be quite good at it." The owner gestures to a piano in the corner and says, "Show me what you can do." The guy goes over and starts to play the most beautiful piece that the bar owner has ever heard. When he's finished the owner says, "That was so amazing. What is it called?" The guy says, "Oh, it's called Your Mom Is A Big Fat Slut. I wrote it myself." The owner is a little weirded out, but says, "Okay, whatever. What else can you play?" The guy begins to play another song. This one is even more beautiful than the other one, and by the end the owner feels his eyes tearing. He says, "That is so impressive." The guy says, "Thank you. It's called Your Sister Slept With The Football Team. I wrote it myself" After a bit of thinking, the owner says, "Well, you get the job. Come around tonight, and just do your thing. People will request songs, but you just have to remember NOT to tell them the title of the song."
So the guy goes home, and at 8pm, he dons his old tux. However, because he hasn't worn it in a while, and he's gained some weight over the years, he can only fit into it if he isn't wearing underwear. But no matter, he goes to the bar.
While he's walking there, he realizes that he dropped his money, so he bends down to pick it up. What he doesn't realize though, is that when he bends over, his pants split open.
So now he's in the bar, and everyone loves his piano skills. Then some chick comes up to him and says, "Hey guy, do you know your fat hairy balls are showing?" The guy looks up and smiles proudly, saying, "Oh yes! I wrote it myself!"
by Tinkerbelll May 21, 2004
by party in my tummy August 12, 2008
by kiwi May 07, 2004
by Stif Mike May 25, 2008
Tom: Last night was a blast, dude.
Matt: Mos def, I had no idea Jon was so hilarious.
Tom: That's 'cause he's not, you've only spoken to him hammered.
Matt: So you're saying he's only drunk funny?
Tom: Absofuckinlutely.
Matt: Mos def, I had no idea Jon was so hilarious.
Tom: That's 'cause he's not, you've only spoken to him hammered.
Matt: So you're saying he's only drunk funny?
Tom: Absofuckinlutely.
by baldobald December 08, 2011
Person 1: yo what's up dawg *hits funny bone*
Person 2: damn dog did you just get a Funny Boner
Person 1: no, What the fuck are you on about *said In very agonizing pain*
Person 3: *opens door* *yells down hallway* it's when you hit your funny bone so hard you get a boner
Person 1: Really?
Person 2 and 3: yea dawg fr fr
Person 2: damn dog did you just get a Funny Boner
Person 1: no, What the fuck are you on about *said In very agonizing pain*
Person 3: *opens door* *yells down hallway* it's when you hit your funny bone so hard you get a boner
Person 1: Really?
Person 2 and 3: yea dawg fr fr
by Jack P. Ness October 28, 2019
Silly autistic retard who has half the normal amounts of chromosomes. AKA Fat inbred fat toothless fat retard fat burger fat
by I_love_Trey January 27, 2023