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Beefie the Cow

Beefie the cow was the biggest cow and animal to ever walk the earth. He was bigger than most mountains. He was so big that all of the meat products today come from Beefie himself.

Beefie was married to Bessie the cow, who was almost as big as him. All the dairy products in the world come from Bessie. Eventually they had a child, and named him Befesie the cow. This cow, according to prophecy,will one day consume the universe, protecting all living creatures inside it.

Beefie, Bessie and Befesie are in fact the only real cows ever to live. All other cows are robots made by the government.

Many people still worship the great Beefie, Bessie and Befessie today.
Child: Mom, where does beef come from?
Mom: From Beefie the Cow of course!
by SqueakyPig17 May 9, 2020
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milk the cow

Having a guy ejaculate.

Made more famous (recently) by Ludacris' song.
If you hold the head steady I'm a milk the cow.
by sim simma December 3, 2004
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Plowing the Cow

v. To have sex with a fat woman, usually out of pity or necessity.
Man 1: What did you do last night?

Man 2: I was so desperate that I resorted to plowing the cow.
by brotherswanson November 20, 2009
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Congress of the Cow

A sex position, the girl on all fours, the man penetrates from behind while reaching around simulating milking the breast.
My wife's favorite sexual position is the Congress of the Cow.
by Res Q Luv May 5, 2018
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Bessie the cow

To pass the time, Bessie the cow and her friend Elsie like to play a version of a game they saw at the county fair.
To start, Bessie puts three inverted shells on a table and places a small round pebble under one of them (at least she hopes it is a pebble -- she found it on the ground in one of the pastures). Bessie then proceeds to swap pairs of shells, while Elsie tries to guess the location of the pebble.

The standard version of the game the cows saw being played at the county fair allowed the player to see the initial location of the pebble, and then required guessing its final location after all the swaps were complete.

However, the cows like to play a version where Elsie does not know the initial location of the pebble, and where she can guess the pebble location after every swap. Bessie, knowing the right answer, gives Elsie a score at the end equal to the number of correct guesses she made.

Given the swaps and the guesses, but not the initial pebble location, please determine the highest possible score Elsie could have earned.
by 0mnip0tent November 6, 2020
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bouncin' the cow

A euphemism for having sex with your girlfriend or wife.
I just finished bouncin' the cow and now she wants me to go do the dishes.
by breff December 24, 2009
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milking of the cow

The art of having your salad tossed on all fours whilst the penis is stroked in a downward motion like a cows teat.
Lady : I performed milking of the cow last night and that milk splashes everywhere!!!
by Dr pat-rik February 23, 2017
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