Kennett Square, diverse and sophisticated
Part 1, early history:
A small historic town about 45 minutes west of Philly. Originally a Quaker settlement that tried to hand George Washington over to the British. In fact, the night before the Battle of the Brandywine, all of the Quakers in Kennett gave up their whore daughters to the Redcoats. They got them nice and drunk and showed them a really good time so they could leave the next morning and kill the men who were trying to give them freedom. All Quakers are conscientious objectors, which essentially means they are too chicken shit to fight for this country. They are like Amish Jews, old fashioned and cheap. Anyway, we won our independence and somebody decided to let the Quakers live, which I think was really very nice. They tried to keep the town to themselves, which they did until about 1900 or so. At that time many Italians moved from Philly and bought large tracts of land. This was the first time any of those spineless pricks had ever been exposed to a real culture. As one might imagine, it was quite a shock to them. They convinced the hicks from neighboring towns that the Wops were going to infiltrate their homes and slip their toothless wives 8 inches of lean Italian bologna. Many of those brainless retarded halfwits still live in tree houses in the surrounding forests and rummage through trash cans at night hoping to find an old Skynard 8-track. Well, the Quakers invited these redneck A-holes to come into town and burn a few crosses in well kept Italian lawns. It seems they were trying to scare the "guineas" out of town, but they just used the fire to make more pizzas.
Part 2, middle ages:
Due to the abundance of cow shit and hay in the area, the resourceful and hard working Italians starting building “mushroom houses”. These are long buildings that contain many layers of what is essentially bunk beds. The beds are filled with aged shit (or compost, now synonymous with Quakers) and “spawn” is used to seed them. Soon, mushrooms pop up everywhere. Those early greasers got rich off of them. Soon, every self respecting Guido had a mushroom house of his own. They got richer and the pussy Quakers got snootier. Soon, those same bearded and retarded cross burners that were hiding in cabins made of mud and sticks were shoveling shit for $.10 an hour and kissing Italian ass just to get the work. Sadly though, the hicks were still too stupid to play in shit, so workers were stolen from Mexico. Those people did not want to come here. They were happy in their homes in the dessert, making rock tortillas and lizard tacos. But they were hard workers, so they had to come. Being distant cousins to the Italians by way of the Spanish, there were high hopes that they would do well to fit in. Unfortunately, they were barely smart enough to wipe their own asses, and never really fit in. Their persistence to NOT learn English did eventually earn them a McDonalds with a Spanish menu. I think that was nice too.
Part 3, more of the same:
Things in Kennett have improved since those troubled years. Quaker restaurants like the Kennett Inn and Kennett Country Club have added spaghetti to the menu, but those simpletons don’t know they are eating noodles and catsup. Italians still steal Mexicans, but this is not well known. With all of their mushroom money, they bought newspaper companies and wrote stories about how we can’t stop the tide of illegal immigrants from entering our sacred country. Since they have streamlined the mushroom growing process, they have to do something with the Mexicans they stole previously. In a stroke of genius, somebody (not a Quaker) decided to teach the Goyas how to make pizzas. Now when you walk into any fine pizza joint in Kennett, you will get served a fine meal from Pedro. To his credit, Pedro makes a good pie. Also, the Mexican population has started breading with the local rednecks to form an entirely new strain of humans called Mexi-billies. You could say they are just shorter and darker hillbillies that eat beans. You could also say they are even smellier Mexicans that live in doublewide trailers and cry when Hank Williams plays. No matter what you call them, they still ruin everything and can’t afford car insurance.
PS, Unionville sucks.
Part 1, early history:
A small historic town about 45 minutes west of Philly. Originally a Quaker settlement that tried to hand George Washington over to the British. In fact, the night before the Battle of the Brandywine, all of the Quakers in Kennett gave up their whore daughters to the Redcoats. They got them nice and drunk and showed them a really good time so they could leave the next morning and kill the men who were trying to give them freedom. All Quakers are conscientious objectors, which essentially means they are too chicken shit to fight for this country. They are like Amish Jews, old fashioned and cheap. Anyway, we won our independence and somebody decided to let the Quakers live, which I think was really very nice. They tried to keep the town to themselves, which they did until about 1900 or so. At that time many Italians moved from Philly and bought large tracts of land. This was the first time any of those spineless pricks had ever been exposed to a real culture. As one might imagine, it was quite a shock to them. They convinced the hicks from neighboring towns that the Wops were going to infiltrate their homes and slip their toothless wives 8 inches of lean Italian bologna. Many of those brainless retarded halfwits still live in tree houses in the surrounding forests and rummage through trash cans at night hoping to find an old Skynard 8-track. Well, the Quakers invited these redneck A-holes to come into town and burn a few crosses in well kept Italian lawns. It seems they were trying to scare the "guineas" out of town, but they just used the fire to make more pizzas.
Part 2, middle ages:
Due to the abundance of cow shit and hay in the area, the resourceful and hard working Italians starting building “mushroom houses”. These are long buildings that contain many layers of what is essentially bunk beds. The beds are filled with aged shit (or compost, now synonymous with Quakers) and “spawn” is used to seed them. Soon, mushrooms pop up everywhere. Those early greasers got rich off of them. Soon, every self respecting Guido had a mushroom house of his own. They got richer and the pussy Quakers got snootier. Soon, those same bearded and retarded cross burners that were hiding in cabins made of mud and sticks were shoveling shit for $.10 an hour and kissing Italian ass just to get the work. Sadly though, the hicks were still too stupid to play in shit, so workers were stolen from Mexico. Those people did not want to come here. They were happy in their homes in the dessert, making rock tortillas and lizard tacos. But they were hard workers, so they had to come. Being distant cousins to the Italians by way of the Spanish, there were high hopes that they would do well to fit in. Unfortunately, they were barely smart enough to wipe their own asses, and never really fit in. Their persistence to NOT learn English did eventually earn them a McDonalds with a Spanish menu. I think that was nice too.
Part 3, more of the same:
Things in Kennett have improved since those troubled years. Quaker restaurants like the Kennett Inn and Kennett Country Club have added spaghetti to the menu, but those simpletons don’t know they are eating noodles and catsup. Italians still steal Mexicans, but this is not well known. With all of their mushroom money, they bought newspaper companies and wrote stories about how we can’t stop the tide of illegal immigrants from entering our sacred country. Since they have streamlined the mushroom growing process, they have to do something with the Mexicans they stole previously. In a stroke of genius, somebody (not a Quaker) decided to teach the Goyas how to make pizzas. Now when you walk into any fine pizza joint in Kennett, you will get served a fine meal from Pedro. To his credit, Pedro makes a good pie. Also, the Mexican population has started breading with the local rednecks to form an entirely new strain of humans called Mexi-billies. You could say they are just shorter and darker hillbillies that eat beans. You could also say they are even smellier Mexicans that live in doublewide trailers and cry when Hank Williams plays. No matter what you call them, they still ruin everything and can’t afford car insurance.
PS, Unionville sucks.
by Geno Daluca September 5, 2008
Get the kennett square mug.Basically a thot who wears tiny shorts or ripped jeans and oversized t-shirts. They have hydro flasks and try to be vsco
by Rog Vlogs69 October 3, 2019
Get the Kennett Girls mug.Related Words
Located in the middle of friggin nowhere. Full of illegal mexicans who work at the mushroom farms who in 2 years are going to have to leave because they are gonna tear them all down. At the schools when you are jumped by a mexican you're jumped by 20 so it is 20 on 1. They claim we are diverse but they only say that because there are more mexicans here than in mexico. 80% of the kids have no lives and rumors spread faster than anything in kennett. Conservative people can't seem to explain themselves when it comes to politics and it seems like they don't even watch the news. The rest of us sane people support the unionville-kennett rivalry when it comes to sports but don't seem to want to jump the nice kids who live down the street, call us crazy. 75% of the people in my class are not going to graduate because they spend every class period inside the bathrooms. This place is hell and I wish the kids at unionville would shut the hell up about how that place sucks because at kennett you can't even get a decent education because they only care about the mexicans because those are the only ones stopping us from making AYP every year. At least the kids at unionville have great sports teams and can have teachers focus on the honor/AP students. Even with a 4.0 at kennett you can't get into Stanford
Yes this is coming from a kennett student/resident
Yes this is coming from a kennett student/resident
Unionville kid: I wish I was a kennett
Kennett Kid: Shut the hell up you are going to UPenn with a 3.2
Kennett Kid: Shut the hell up you are going to UPenn with a 3.2
by kennettloser December 24, 2008
Get the Kennett mug.A Microsoft product that was re-named from Project Natal that is predicted to fail as with the Sony Motion Control or "Move". You can find that most gamers that play the Xbox 360 just aren't into that kind of thing.
by Wolfyyy August 9, 2010
Get the Kinnect mug.by For the girls August 20, 2020
Get the Kennett Boy mug.aka mexico, the girls are whores, all the guys spend all their their money on shitty hookers from unionville. they all think that they are so cool and fly, when in reality they have to cheat the IRS to get by. Half the school is illeagal immagrants from mexico. they work in barns cleaning stalls all day for what they think is minimuim wage ($2 an hour). there are guys at kennett who screw their couisin's without protecton.
by shortie December 22, 2004
Get the kennett mug.occasionally you have the thots that go commando to school and where adult xl shirts and shell neckless and always complain about about back pain because they slouch to make there ass big
by Yaboiii25 July 27, 2019
Get the Kennett girls mug.