Charter Communications Marketing Plan:
1. Find a former-hick community, say, Sparks, Nevada that is rapidly growing technologically.
2. Buy up all the rights to the cable lines within the new housing complexes in construction, and make those cable lines available only to Charter only.
3. When new owners of a home move in, bombard their mailbox with faster internet service ads.
4. Provide the service, seemingly superior in speed and reliability compared to their nonexistent competitors at first, but then after the first week, totally flips out, and has long downtimes and ignorant customer support reps that love to talk back against angry customers.
5. When customer opts out of the service, remind them that they need to pay a $200+ separation fee because their first month is not up, and not even the first 2 years of their contract.
6. When customer REALLY WANTS OUT, then remind him or her that their ass still belongs to Charter, and theres no other alternative except a slower and still just as unreliable ClearWire Wi-Fi broadband in the neighborhood.
7. When customer threatens to sue, Charter pays electric company to cut off all power, except for a few D-Batteries to power a portable TV connected to a portable VHS player, reminding them that they can stop this by switching back.
8. Don't provide them any service anyways, and bill them $4000 a month in retaliation for their lifetimes. Also armed guards patrol the outside of their doors at all times, with rottweilers bred for the taste of human flesh drooling on the windows.
1. Find a former-hick community, say, Sparks, Nevada that is rapidly growing technologically.
2. Buy up all the rights to the cable lines within the new housing complexes in construction, and make those cable lines available only to Charter only.
3. When new owners of a home move in, bombard their mailbox with faster internet service ads.
4. Provide the service, seemingly superior in speed and reliability compared to their nonexistent competitors at first, but then after the first week, totally flips out, and has long downtimes and ignorant customer support reps that love to talk back against angry customers.
5. When customer opts out of the service, remind them that they need to pay a $200+ separation fee because their first month is not up, and not even the first 2 years of their contract.
6. When customer REALLY WANTS OUT, then remind him or her that their ass still belongs to Charter, and theres no other alternative except a slower and still just as unreliable ClearWire Wi-Fi broadband in the neighborhood.
7. When customer threatens to sue, Charter pays electric company to cut off all power, except for a few D-Batteries to power a portable TV connected to a portable VHS player, reminding them that they can stop this by switching back.
8. Don't provide them any service anyways, and bill them $4000 a month in retaliation for their lifetimes. Also armed guards patrol the outside of their doors at all times, with rottweilers bred for the taste of human flesh drooling on the windows.
by C Tan November 4, 2007
Get the charter communications mug.on Facebook, a trusted friend you ask (as a favor to you) to say hello- or send any other messages- on your behalf to another Facebook user who either deleted their account or doesn't want to talk to you on Facebook.
My friend Steven actually invented the phrase Facebook communication vessel when I asked him to say hello on my behalf to another common friend of ours who didn't want to talk to me and Steven refused.
by Sexydimma October 2, 2013
Get the Facebook communication vessel mug.carrier pigeon
phone call
owl mail
air writing
birthday card
xmas card
letter
postcard
post it note
myspace
bebo
facebook
air mail
sea post
regular mail
sms message
video call
video message
blog
email
bulletins
posters
advertisements
billboards
chinese whispers
phone call
owl mail
air writing
birthday card
xmas card
letter
postcard
post it note
myspace
bebo
air mail
sea post
regular mail
sms message
video call
video message
blog
bulletins
posters
advertisements
billboards
chinese whispers
look at that owl, replacing more traditional methods of communication such as carrier pigeons way before ink and email and phones were invented.
lets send our mail by air and sea. airs faster!!
lets send our mail by air and sea. airs faster!!
by Erinxoxo November 16, 2007
Get the communication mug.Person 1: Hey let's get toget........SEND.........SHIIIIIIIIIT!
Person 2: Uhhhh...Got ur text....WTF?
Person 1: Sorry got a case of the Premature Communications!
Person 2: Uhhhh...Got ur text....WTF?
Person 1: Sorry got a case of the Premature Communications!
by DianaR June 15, 2009
Get the Premature Communication mug.When two fat people , in the same location, use some type of mobile device to communicate as to not have to burn any calories moving to talk to the other person directly.
Example of fat communication between two fatties in the same house.
Fat husband on cell phone: Honey, can you bring me some ice cream out of the kitchen?
Fat wife: He'll no, get your fat ass up and get some yourself. I've got cookies!
Fat husband on cell phone: Honey, can you bring me some ice cream out of the kitchen?
Fat wife: He'll no, get your fat ass up and get some yourself. I've got cookies!
by Mbiyt817 December 14, 2013
Get the fat communication mug.The nagging need to keep checking your email/text messages, while waiting for a reply… Until you look, there both is/is not a message waiting.
I really need that reply from the doctor; I don't think he's replied yet, but until I look, I get to have Schroedinger’s Communication Syndrome (SCS)
by thehypermom July 3, 2017
Get the Schroedinger’s Communication Syndrome (SCS) mug.Me: Have you heard communication breakdown lately?
non-led-zeppelin fan: duh... whats a communication breakdown
Me: its a led zeppelin song.
other guy: i am sorry for offending the great led zeppelin. I am ashamed. I shall now wash my mouth with soap becuase I have dishonored the greatest song on earth.
non-led-zeppelin fan: duh... whats a communication breakdown
Me: its a led zeppelin song.
other guy: i am sorry for offending the great led zeppelin. I am ashamed. I shall now wash my mouth with soap becuase I have dishonored the greatest song on earth.
by fads;lkfja;sldkfj January 5, 2008
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