the bearded jesus

When your trabagging your girl and accidentally shart

I was tea bagging my girl the other night and accidentally sharted on her face. She look like the bearded jesus

by Tweeter23 October 5, 2018

The Redneck Jesus

The man known here on earth as Dale Earnhardt. Dale Earnhardt is the Light and the Way. He died so that your drinking of imported beer would be forgiven. He suffered, died, and most of the pieces they found were buried. He has risen again, as Danica Patrick, and will come again from Formula One to judge NASCAR and its fans.

He is seated at the right hand of the Father (Elvis), and his Kingdom will have no end. Amen, y'all.

"The Redneck Jesus, Dale Earnhardt, died for your sins."

"Thou shalt not turn right."

by Anferny Tyrone Jackson August 28, 2006

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

A Church founded in 1830 by Joseph Smith, Jr., and often nicknamed "The Mormon Church". The Church is headquartered in Salt Lake City, Utah, yet has followers worldwide.

Members follow the teaching of Joseph Smith, and believe in modern day Prophets and revelation. They believe in the Holy Bible and also in The Book of Mormon. The Church's Missionaries are one of it's most recognized traits, along with it's large temples topped with a golden angel. The Church is considered Christian by many as the members have a strong belief in Jesus Christ.

Mormons are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

by jakelow November 14, 2009

the jesus game

A game in which your opponent picks a random word and you must use a chain of words to connect it to jesus. Whoever fails to make a chain to jesus loses (and will probably go to hell, just saying)

The Jesus Game

Opponent: Pandas
You: Pandas... bamboo... wood... cross... jesus!!

You: Roses
Opponent: roses... thorns... piercing... nails... jesus!!

by Charles M. May 17, 2008

Jesus take the wheel

When things are so hard to understand that all you can do is call forth Jesus.

Person1: Did you hear Keri is still a hoe.

Person2: After she apparently found the Lord?

Person1: Yes.

Person2: Oh Jesus take the wheel!!

by GxLuci October 29, 2014

JESUS CHRIST ITS A LION GET IN THE CAR

A reference to an internet meme whose roots trace back to the a webcomic "Toothpaste for Dinner" dated August 30, 2005, titled “Basic Electronic Symbols."
In this comic strip, there were drawings of a Resistor, a Capacitor, and JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR.

Nowadays the phrase is a typical response to phrases or combinations of phrases like such as:
"Rawr."
"I am a lion"
">:3"

Depending on whether Jesus Christ is present or not, he may render assistance to your current predicament.

Lion: "Rawr. I am a Lion. >:3"
You: "JESUS CHRIST ITS A LION GET IN THE CAR!"
Jesus Christ with a sawed-off shotgun: "I'll handle the lion, you just get in the car."

by tornredcarpet April 17, 2011

Jesus take the wheel

A command used when the driver of a vehicle requires the use of both his hands for a task other than steering i.e. sending a text, opening a beer, or rolling a joint. He yells “JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!” while simultaneously removing his hands from it. It is then the immediate duty of the passenger to reach over , grab the wheel, and steer the vehicle until the driver has his hands free once again.

“Yeah thanks for asking John my weekend was pretty goo… JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL I GOTTA CRACK OPEN THIS BEER. FUCK”

by soggypotatoe June 19, 2021