Yeah, no I'm gonna do an exodus one.
God "Hey! Hi!
Moses!"
Moses "Um... Yes? Can I help you?"
God "Yeah, actually. I need you do to me favor."
Moses "Who... Exactly are you?"
God "Oh! Oh, right. Yeah, I'm the guy. I made all the stuff. What are you calling me nowadays? Elohim? Ha! I'm asking but... Well... You know."
Moses "OH! Oh! That- I... Yes! Yes, what can I do for you, lord? Anything!"
God "Yeah, hey, go tell Pharoah to give me all the
Jew-slaves... Make him give me the
Jew-slaves.... And those cows. I want the cows too."
Moses 😨 "Wh... What? How? I can't..."
God "No... You can. Tell him to give me the slaves or I'm going to kill all of his
kids. Or wait, no! I'm going to kill all of the
kids not just his- NO WAIT!
Even better! The first born sons of every man and woman in Egypt! THAT'S who I'm going to
kill. All the first born sons."
Moses 😱 "I can't tell him that! He's going to kill me! Why would he
even believe me!? Why can't YOU just tell him!?"
God "No... No, I
don't really feel like it. I want you to do it... So... You're doing it. Hey, and tell him about the frogs. But no, you're fine. Go tell him the thing. Here- Go, take this magic
stick."
*Hands Moses
stick*
Moses "Um... Frogs?"
God "He'
s not going to want to do it so I'm gonna make it rain frogs.... And crickets... And I'm going to turn all the
water into blood... And, like, 7 other things... Gonna do a bunch of stuff..."
Moses 😨
God "..... Oh, damn it. Is the times
broken? Did I... Hold on a second- Er... Heheheh... Nevermind. Hmm... No... The times is on.... Huh... So... You're just standing there I
don't understand what's happening right now."
Moses 😨
God "Okay... Go do the thing. I
don't think I could have been any more clear about this. Times is on so why-uh... Are you not doing the thing?"
Moses 😨 *Walks off*
God 😮 💨 "I gotta get a better handle on this 'times' thing man... Is it moving? Is it not? I can't tell the fucking difference... 😮 💨 Yep... Yepyepyep... HEY!
DON'T FORGET THE COWS!"
EXODUS
