The most scientific scale known to man for rating the desired mouth-to-phallus ratio during the practice of oral sex. On one end of the spectrum, we have Bernadette Peters with a diminutive mouth. We'll assign her oral cavity a value of .99 carollas (unit of measurement named after Adam Carolla, a pioneer in the field of Phallometry, whose Water-Displacement Method is now the standard throughout the Penile Sciences). Multiplying this value by the average human penis size (100 carollas) yields a Carolla Psychological Satisfaction (or C.P.S.) score of 99 aces (as in, "That's just aces!"). On the other end of the spectrum, we have the less desirable orifice of Sandra Bernhard measuring .01 carollas. Once again, multiplying this value by 100 yields a score of 1 ace. This indicates that the experience of inserting the male member into Bernhard's mammoth mouth for the purpose of fellatio, while perhaps physically pleasurable, is overshadowed by the pride-shattering effects.
Monica Lewinsky: Hey, Bill, you want a BJ?
President Clinton: (covers mouthpiece of the phone he's holding) Monica, I'm on the phone with a Congressman. Sorry about that sir. (inaudible chatter from phone) Yeah, just some intern I'm banging. About a 7. But you should see the mouth on her. (more inaudible chatter) What's the Bernadette-Bernhard scale? (more chatter) Adam who? Oh, I love Birchum.
Monica Lewinsky: Bill, I'm wearing that blue dress you like.
President Clinton: Congressman, I've gotta go. But you've sure given me something to think about. Maybe I'll just work her over with a cigar.
Morgan Freeman Narrator: But he didn't. Well he did. But he also got oral. Completely rejecting the principles of the Bernadette-Bernhard scale. Two things were lost that day: America's innocence, and the confidence of the pretty well-endowed Leader of the Free World. It just goes to show you, some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are too bright. But in such a massive cage, who can see a bird anyway? Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.
President Clinton: (covers mouthpiece of the phone he's holding) Monica, I'm on the phone with a Congressman. Sorry about that sir. (inaudible chatter from phone) Yeah, just some intern I'm banging. About a 7. But you should see the mouth on her. (more inaudible chatter) What's the Bernadette-Bernhard scale? (more chatter) Adam who? Oh, I love Birchum.
Monica Lewinsky: Bill, I'm wearing that blue dress you like.
President Clinton: Congressman, I've gotta go. But you've sure given me something to think about. Maybe I'll just work her over with a cigar.
Morgan Freeman Narrator: But he didn't. Well he did. But he also got oral. Completely rejecting the principles of the Bernadette-Bernhard scale. Two things were lost that day: America's innocence, and the confidence of the pretty well-endowed Leader of the Free World. It just goes to show you, some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are too bright. But in such a massive cage, who can see a bird anyway? Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.
by griffin_t_a September 25, 2014
Get the Bernadette-Bernhard scale mug.A person who attaches themselves to any living being surrounding them as a form of comfort. Cuddling, spooning and snuggling are also correct terms. A barnacle latches on to anyone in sight and does not let go.
Cheyenne: Oh hey kirsten! How are you?
*Kirsten latches on to cheyenne*
Kirsten: Now im better!
Cheyenne: Oh kirsten! You barnacle, you!
*Kirsten latches on to cheyenne*
Kirsten: Now im better!
Cheyenne: Oh kirsten! You barnacle, you!
by astoldbyginger February 29, 2008
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Bernadette is dope .
by gdftfhjhijuy January 12, 2008
Get the Bernadette mug.Okay, so everyone is saying we are preppy girls and dudes who live off of Daddy's money. But some of us actually work hard to get the good grades to get into that school!
Okay, so some of us have been there since PRE-K and are so stupid they don't deserve to be there. There are so many other kids who would love to get in!
Gil St. Bernard's is a school for the people who are smart enough to be able to get in. It has about 72 acres and many resources. Stop hatin on us!!
Okay, so some of us have been there since PRE-K and are so stupid they don't deserve to be there. There are so many other kids who would love to get in!
Gil St. Bernard's is a school for the people who are smart enough to be able to get in. It has about 72 acres and many resources. Stop hatin on us!!
by peopleperson101 January 2, 2012
Get the Gill St. Bernard's mug.Bernard is a God!
by Goku is on halo March 20, 2009
Get the Bernard mug.1.) An overhyped douche who hosts a Morning Show on a Minneapolis classic rock station. Has neo-con POVs yet is an Atheist, causing him to have a lot of self issues. For some reason Twin Citians like to listen to his Liberal bashing bile even though Minnesota has been wisely a blue state for the past 30+ years. In 2000, the funny voice guy, Tony Lee, left the show, thus causing Barnyard's show to be even less funny, with "comedy" bits that geared more towards Fascist propaganda.
2.) To be really rich and wish that all poor people be deported so you don't have to give to charity.
3.) To be a pig (physically or metaphoricaly) and still be popullar.
2.) To be really rich and wish that all poor people be deported so you don't have to give to charity.
3.) To be a pig (physically or metaphoricaly) and still be popullar.
1.) Tom Beranard said on the radio today that we should vote for Huckabee, than declared that god doesn't exist. After that he went on a rant about how poor people should be kicked out of clinics if they don't have insurance so he wouldn't have to wait so long for his appointment, because he more important.
2.) George Steinbreiner pulled a Tom Barnard at church when the collection plate came to him, and he dumped all the money down his shirt.
3.) Quit being such a Tom Barnard and learn that people with other skin colors, and sexual preferences are human too. And for Pete's sake start working out, you look like a Tom Barnard.
2.) George Steinbreiner pulled a Tom Barnard at church when the collection plate came to him, and he dumped all the money down his shirt.
3.) Quit being such a Tom Barnard and learn that people with other skin colors, and sexual preferences are human too. And for Pete's sake start working out, you look like a Tom Barnard.
by Patriotic Leftie January 28, 2008
Get the Tom Barnard mug.Where its at. Ridge kids will always be jealous. Trust me, you'll miss it once you’re gone. Live for those nights when you go out to dinner with your family to the Station and then get some Penguin for dessert. But, everyone knows dairy queen is the best ice cream in town. The debate between Bagel Bin and Bagels 4 u will never end. Want some pizza? Lenny's is where it's at. Do not listen to anyone who tells you differently. The movie theatre is shit, go to Bridgewater. There are endless rumors that a Chipotle and a Panera is being built-- always false. Nobody goes to Burger King. Starbucks is always packed with kids, mostly the kids who walk to town on Fridays. No way you are leaving there without saying hi to at least one person. We have got way too many banks and way too many nail salons. If you’re feeling like some waffles, pancakes, milkshakes or bacon egg and cheese; the Coffee shop is your place. Contrary to popular belief, the school is pretty damn good. Boys soccer and girls lacrosse are the best teams. Though, school spirit sucks almost as much as the football team. While you're here, you will probably want nothing more than to get out. But, once you’re out, you will miss it- this town is your home. Appreciate it while you got it.
Person 1: "Where are you from?"
Person 2: "Bernardsville"
Person 1: "Oh damn. You must be really cool!"
Person 2: "Bernardsville"
Person 1: "Oh damn. You must be really cool!"
by 1928374923842 May 16, 2017
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