1984 Wank

When the you don't have access to porn so you have to use your imagination to masturbate.

Person 1: 'The battery went on my phone while I was trying to find some porn!'

Person 2: 'Gutted for you'

Person 1: 'It's okay I just had a 1984 wank instead. Takes a bit longer but gets the job done.'

by Phillyfella July 22, 2021

Complicated Wank

A reach around with added difficulty.

While juggling 9 cats and eating Doritos? That’s a complicated wank!

by Dudeknowsstuff July 30, 2021

wank montage

a wank montage consists of dick pics sent in rapid succession to show the process of a penis that is flaccid, to hard, to ejaculation

reuben: “my husband jack is such a dirty cunt, when he goes on work trips he’ll just send me pics of his from soft to cumsplosion and it’s getting old real quick”
yolanda “sis he be wank montageing you, where’s your respect for the arts!?”

by zestymcbetsy February 23, 2022

Deliveroo and wank

The apotheosis of living for the modern middle aged family man. Netflix and chill, for husbands who have long ago abandoned both erotic frisson and euphemism.

"The wife's away, so I'm going to treat myself to a Deliveroo and wank."

"You mean..."

"Yes, a lukewarm curry followed by furious self abuse."

by bighairyotter August 10, 2021

wank flake

When you wank so hard your meatus gets dry and skin flakes off.

Derogatory term for someone below a wanker

Hey Toby your dick is so dry you left wank flakes in the shower

That Toby is such a wank flake

by Brian and so is my wife August 12, 2021

Wank

Another word for the greatest of all time

Fred is wank at football

by Ryry04 August 25, 2021

Wank

Thy Royal Highness

Shystal: Where Is Thy Royal Highness?

Maria: Who, Wank? I Know Where He's Not At... The Bathtub 🤮

by The Real Escobar August 28, 2021