Jesus Fucking Christ

When the church or a person are actually fucking themselves over.
Jesus fucking Christ, it's like he's fucking himself in the ass while sucking his own dick!
by kariusvega April 19, 2018
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come to jesus

when a religious person realizes a non-religious (or religious) person is in need of God's love and help, they say this to tell them to come over to christianity (or to re-find God).

Also could be something said in the bed, if ya know what I mean ...
1. James, you suicide! Come to Jesus!
2. Oh, baby, come to Jesus, COME TO JESUS!
by deldelda July 29, 2004
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Unincorporated Jesus County

A place so remote, it's not even in East Jesus.
At least East Jesus would be a town. We're out in Unincorporated Jesus County.
by ElOjo December 29, 2021
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Jesus Christ on Jupiter

An expression when multiple things go awry at once.
I woke up to a leak under the dishwasher, then the dog barfed all over the new rug and next thing I know it, I have Covid! Jesus Christ on Jupiter!
by Dr. Goldtooth February 28, 2023
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Going Mach Jesus

Operating or being a passenger in or on a water/land vehicle at such a velocity or in such a precarious way that the result in losing control of the vehicle and/or simply crashing would result in an inevitable fatality, which would lead to you meeting Jesus himself, hence the term.

For example: Going over 85/90mph on the highway would most likely be considered going Mach Jesus due to the fact that a sudden stop at that speed would kill the passengers of the vehicle. Doing dangerous stunts at high speeds and/or going more than double in a residential, although probably not fatal for the passengers, could be considered Mach Jesus.

Going so fast in a speed boat that colliding with another would not only destroy the boat but more than likely kill the passengers.
“Ahhhhh! Carl! The fuck are you doing?”
“I’m going Mach Jesus!”
“You just went Mach shit yourself.”
by YoungGirl/wDirtyTricks June 27, 2023
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long jesus dick

A haitian proverb about how haitians have fourth Johnson in whole world.
Mines gots a long jesus dick my friends! Not an smalls american one YES
by Juzztn December 05, 2017
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holy bloody jesus

holy bloody jesus a phrase used in shock or surprise when curse words are not appropriate or you want to polite
holy bloody jesus that lightning strike was loud

holy bloody jesus playing in the mud was fun
by bluebear December 25, 2022
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