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English

A. The main language spoken in the British Isles, the USA, Canada and Australia.

B. A person who comes from England. There are 4 main types of English person:

1. The Posh Nob

The steroetypical english person who died out in the 1800s. Typically seen as well spoken, wearing a bowler hat and moustache, and swiping away poor people with his cane.

2. The Farmer

Typical of most rural places in England. Normally an overweight middle-aged man wearing dirty overalls and a straw hat. Most common phrases are "Ooo-ar!" and any swearword concievable. Not as gentle as they look.

3. The Chav

A growing breed of English person. Loud, aggressive, obsessed with their looks and becoming a 'gangsta'. Normal IQ is about 31. Reproduces at an alarming rate.

4. The Non-English English Person

That asian bloke who runs the Off-Licence.

For any American readers there is an easy way to tell the difference between the English, Irish, Scottish and Welsh. This is vital if you wish to tour the UK in one piece:

1. Irish people get drunk and fight each other.
2. English people get drunk and shag each other.
3. Welsh people get drunk and shag sheep.
4. Scottish people get drunk and fight each other. Then they sober up and continue to fight each other.
English Type 1. "I say ol' chap, that's just not on - what what?"

English Type 2. "'Ere, I 'eard them fucking Polish are movin' down ar way . . ."

English Type 3. "Yerwot M8?! Come over 'er and say that yer fuckin' wanker!"

English Type 4. The non-American version of Apu from the Simpsons.
by Too Much Time to Waste November 14, 2007
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English Medicine Cabinet

1. N.- A medicine cabinet which is located or originates from England.

2. V.- When a man successfully attempts to insert both of his testicles in the anus of a man or woman. Variations, see:English Pharmacy
1. That's a stunning English medicine cabinet!

2. Then the bastard tried to pull an English medicine cabinet on me!
by Bexxx May 1, 2004
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English Tea Time

A sexual maneuver.

First, very hot (preferably boiling) water is placed in a partner's mouth. The partner must be laying flat on a surface. The partner then keeps his or her mouth open while the second person, a man, dips his "teabags" into the mouth of the partner, as if steeping a cup of tea. The "teabags" are left in the mouth for a few minutes, depending on how much tea flavouring is preferred. Once the desired amount of steeping is reached, the partner then swallows the water. Sugar, honey, lemon or anything one likes added to their tea should be added before swallowing but after the steeping process.
Person 1: Hey, would you mind taking me to the hospital?
Person 2: Sure. Are you okay?
Person 1: Oh, I scalded my scrotum because Jenny and I were having English Tea Time.
Person 2: That sounds painful. Is Jenny okay?
Person 1: She can't really talk because her mouth is burnt. But she liked the tea.
by The Shwastitute August 8, 2013
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Call Center English (CCE)

English language skills acquired by residents of a non-english speaking country which is quite distinct and intended to cater to call center clients, mainly in North America.Training is normally provided by the call center employing people with basic english skills, where they learn to speak with an 'American' accent, applying minimal focus on grammar.People subjected to CCE are typically in countries like Pakistan and India and are easily seperated from those of us who don't need to force our linguistic skills to communicate.
Too many damn radio jockeys on Radio FM89 talk with a fake accent these days! They are victims of Call Center English (CCE) training.
by JJ Baybee January 14, 2009
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english

Sammy L. Jackson: "Hey brad, where you from?"
Brad:"What?"
SLJ: "What? hmm, do they speak english in what?"
B: "What?"
SLJ:"english, muthafucka, do uoi speak it?"
B: "What?"
SLJ: "Say 'what' again.." brandishes weapon
B: "What?"
SLJ: shoots B in arm.
by muddy shnuckles April 26, 2005
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olde english 800

Probably the most delicious beverage on the Planet
"Do u mind if i enjoy some of your delicious O.E playa?"
"I love olde english 800 due to its fine malty goodness and tasty qualities"
by HowsItTasteMuthaFucka November 24, 2006
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English Grammar

<noun>

The correct spellings and grammar of English words may only be found in an English dictionary, from England.

If you were to consult an American version of the English dictionary, you would find many perversions of our language within.
Why do the Americans insist that their spellings are correct just because their country is bigger than England? We spoke it first, we spelt it first, we wrote the first dictionary, the language is called English, when did 'Americanism' first enter our language? Who was the first fool to miss off the U in 'colour,' the S in 'maths,' the I in 'Aluminium' and the UE in 'analogue?'

It's so unfortunate...
by Stuart Fletcher February 22, 2005
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