Whitstonian Wank

The shameful act of standing on Whitstable harbour, giving yourself a reach around to erect the old rogering tool then dunking your corey in some curry sauce and then scream seagull noises so the birds fly down and peck your little pecker off (you get 1 point for every person who looks, 2 points for spastics and 3 points for the feds)
Roger done too many Gary’s last night and tanged a ‘Whitstonian Wank’ in front of like 20 kids last night, he got nicked for animal cruelty and indecent exposure to underage kids.
by Z Noodle April 06, 2021
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wank noodle

A term for the male reproductive organ known as a penis.
Jim cried out in pain after he was struck in his wank noodle.
by ThatPurple July 30, 2017
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1984 Wank

When the you don't have access to porn so you have to use your imagination to masturbate.
Person 1: 'The battery went on my phone while I was trying to find some porn!'

Person 2: 'Gutted for you'

Person 1: 'It's okay I just had a 1984 wank instead. Takes a bit longer but gets the job done.'
by Phillyfella July 22, 2021
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tingle wank

To shit in your own hand and then use it to stroke one out.
I hated myself after having a tingle wank but it feels so warm.
by the david robson July 01, 2011
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Wank Material

Something and/or someone that can be used to enhance a person's masturbating experience. Common wank materials include vibrators and pornography.
The manager of the company led the two individuals, Joanna and Fredrick, to an interesting grey-walled room, filled with some sort of assorted materials, all different colours stacked neatly on different shelves. A television screen placed right at the back centre of it all, playing what seemed to be animated Not-Safe-For-Work (NSFW) content (see "hentai").
"What.. is all this stuff?" Joanna asked, gazing at the colour-assorted items in the room.
The manager put his fists on his hips, looked at the material and proudly exclaims, "These.. are just some examples of our range of wank material! We've got vibrators, lube, copies of famous pornography, you name it! Use it for any sexual desire you both may have~" He lowers his hands and looks at both Joanna and Fredrick with a smirk. "That is, if you both are in a relationship ready to take things further." The manager winks, leaving the two in a state of confusion and embarrassment.
by short_story_examples May 31, 2023
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Test Wank

The act of checking the captain is awake after having a skin full. Usually in a pub toilet.
The good lady wife says I'm on a promise and I've had 8 gins. I'm off for a test wank
by Paul A Radcliffe May 23, 2023
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crab wank

When one of the mandem decides to have a crafty one by lowering himself like a crab and starts the ritual of going ham on the hog, gripping his cock soo tightly it goes purple and tears the fuck out of his cheesy stinky foreskin
Yo bruv transnigger do u want to join me for a crab wank over some ass fucking Micheal fucking a 6 year old porn and then after platting a dirty ass hole then find Micheal the fucking spastic ass licking fucking cunt herion addict trans nigger bitch then deck the mother fucking four eyed blind homo faggot
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