Big Telly Wank

The act of cranking one out involving the use of the largest screen in the house (usually the TV in the living room) to watch pornography.

I'm sick of squinting at my phone screen in the toilet while the missus is home. I've got the house to myself tonight so I'm going to crack open a can, get pornhub up on the 60" in the living room and have a nice big telly wank.

by sproates April 29, 2021

Code 3 wank

Call a code 3 from the toilets and find out who comes first: you or the security staff.

Brandon was having a Code 3 wank instead of counting stock on Monday.

by Kokonut123 January 8, 2024

Lazy Wank

When you can't be arsed to use the sink and you roll to the edge of the bed and bash your meat till you dribble man porridge on the floor.

I had a lazy wank last night.

by Tone Leigh January 13, 2023

Wank Bank

When you see some real good shit irl and cant take a picture for later so you memorise it for later and put it in the wank bank

John: Ay you see that big bunda over there
Mike: Yeah can you take a pic for later
John: Nah sorry dude
Mike: Its fine ill just store the image in the wank bank

by Babaganush__ December 23, 2021

Ukrainian Finger Wanking

Ukrainian Sport involves jerking fingers in a circular motion to make the other finger yield.

I love being the submissive one in Ukrainian Finger Wanking

by Ephraim June 7, 2025

Anne Wank

The act of masturbating while hiding from police searching your house for you.

What are your weekend plans Harry?
“Just going to swat myself and have a Anne Wank”

by Masturbator No.1 May 29, 2025

Danger wank

The act of extreme masturbation. You must "knock one out" whilst in close proximity to any of the following; Your mum, a nun, your boss, a member of parliament, The queen,gingers,. A person with capabilities to act upon catching you mid self-abuse obvisouly ups the ante. Ejaculation must be reached before your danger wank target comes (no pun intended) to investigate. The higher the chances of being discovered with one's pants down, pulling one's war face is obviously where the danger comes from. The more danger involved the harder (or softer) it is to complete the task in hand (snigger). The more dangerous the better. The chance of being arrested, pummeled by an angry father or having your hand severed by an arab's sabre means that you are a pro "Danger wanker."
"I was in my bedroom and i shouted downstairs, "Mum there's call the police there's a madman with a set of steak knives hacking me to pieces!" As soon as I heard her scream, I dropped my trousers and commenced the danger wank. As I heard her stomp up the stairs I knew i had to be quick so i upped the pace, i heard her stumble on the top step, which bought me some time. Unfortunately for me I timed my finish badly. As my mum barged through the door armed with a rollign pin I chugged all over her. I spent the evening in A&E with concusion. Now thats what i call extreme DW"

Yo is that the queen
‘Pulls down pants’
What are you doing

Poping a danger wank

by Archied June 7, 2021