jehovahs witnesses- beliefs-jesus came to earth to offer his life up as a ransom sacrifice to free us from sin and death.at armagedon all the wicked will be destroyed. on judgement day(1000 years) there will be a resurection of righteous and unrighteous, the earth will be broughtback to a paradise like state, humans will grow to perfection and live forever, and only 144000 will go to heaven and rule with jesus. Basically they live their lives by the bible and try to do everything by bible standards- they dont smoke swear get drunk etc simply because the bible says not to. they go witnessing door to door because jesus said it would have to be done just as he did, and because of thee preaching work they would be persecuted.they want to let people know about the end of this system of things and gods kingdom because they are compelled by love.
i am one of jehovahs witnesses im a teen but i know its the truth, not just because my parents believe and have told me it is-but because i can see it myself. all you have to do is read the bible-put 2 and 2 together- and see that they are doing everything the bible says(well except the stuff that doesnt apply because it was only for the israelites to do etc) its a shame they are hated because they are lovely people, but hey, jesus said it would happen-cause it happened to him-and he was gods son!
i am one of jehovahs witnesses im a teen but i know its the truth, not just because my parents believe and have told me it is-but because i can see it myself. all you have to do is read the bible-put 2 and 2 together- and see that they are doing everything the bible says(well except the stuff that doesnt apply because it was only for the israelites to do etc) its a shame they are hated because they are lovely people, but hey, jesus said it would happen-cause it happened to him-and he was gods son!
by dunno:) January 7, 2010
Get the jehovahs witnesses mug.Fat black ladies with gray hair, who visit houses looking to dole out pancakes coated with syrupy goodness.
As seen on Family Guy.
As seen on Family Guy.
I was hungover today, the last thing I needed was some damn Jemima's witness coming to my front door!!
by The Pstives June 11, 2006
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Group of japanese people (usually two) who come to your door holding they're Worshiping Idol Item (more commonly known as a Wii) trying to encourage others to join their religion. Once you open the door, they automatically cast their spell on you by reciting the magical words: "We would like tplay." If you are not fast enough to close the door, you'll soon find yourself playing a game with 3 other people (who may or you may or may not know, you won't care either way) as the two Japanese men sit in the corner with evil grins upon their faces filled with the sense of the knowledge; they got you. Then they disappear without a trace, on to search for their next victim.
Signs of an oncoming Nintova's wiitness visit include:
-Strange banjo music playing from an unknown source
-Everyone in the house (all four of you) gathering in front of the door to answer it
Things that will increase your susceptibility:
-Being a member of a family of four
-Having 3 other multi-cultural friends
-Just having four people being in the general area
To avoid:
-When opening the door yell: "NO NINTOVA'S WITNESS!" and run like the dickens. Turn off all lights and hide in a corner until sunrise (even if the sun is already out).
-Some people will say that assuming the fetal position is also helpful, but "experts" claim there is no conclusive evidence of this
-Also do not share hiding spaces. It makes the fear into a more concentrated substance. (They can taste your fear)
Signs of an oncoming Nintova's wiitness visit include:
-Strange banjo music playing from an unknown source
-Everyone in the house (all four of you) gathering in front of the door to answer it
Things that will increase your susceptibility:
-Being a member of a family of four
-Having 3 other multi-cultural friends
-Just having four people being in the general area
To avoid:
-When opening the door yell: "NO NINTOVA'S WITNESS!" and run like the dickens. Turn off all lights and hide in a corner until sunrise (even if the sun is already out).
-Some people will say that assuming the fetal position is also helpful, but "experts" claim there is no conclusive evidence of this
-Also do not share hiding spaces. It makes the fear into a more concentrated substance. (They can taste your fear)
*doorbell rings*
*Member of multi-cultural group of four opens the door*
Japanese dude: "We would like to pl-"
Member of multi-cultural group of four: "NO NINTOVA'S WIITNESS!"
*Slams door as everyone picks different corners and waits until dawn*
*Member of multi-cultural group of four opens the door*
Japanese dude: "We would like to pl-"
Member of multi-cultural group of four: "NO NINTOVA'S WIITNESS!"
*Slams door as everyone picks different corners and waits until dawn*
by dbn June 9, 2007
Get the Nintova's Wiitness mug.Oh shit, are those Jemimas Witnesses at the door again? Tell them we don't want to join the Church of the Holy Flapjack.
by Downtownjbrn January 17, 2010
Get the Jemimas Witnesses mug.A Christian Religion that takes its name from the Bible book of Isaiah, meaning to be witnesses of Jehovah. Known worldwide to preach to others in various settings, most commonly at the doors of homes and businesses. Considered a cult by many, also rumored not to believe in Christ. Yet since they use the entire Bible, and base all their beliefs in the scriptures, it could not be logical that they would not believe in God's son.
The Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door today, they wanted to share a scripture with me and give me Bible based publications.
by Marcus Poleus, Porn Star January 9, 2005
Get the Jehovah's Witnesses mug.A F****D-up "religion" in which annoying people knock on your door and talk about their cult. DO NOT SUBMIT TO THEM. Their "religion" disposes of all holidays because they are "satanic" and blames other religions for faults in the world. They believe that they are the true Christians and that everyone else is crazy. (Yeah Right). They also believe that innocent little children going to Sunday School are working for the devil.
Jehovah's Witnesses are MORONS and are to STUPID realize that it is THEM who are working for the devil.
by Q January 15, 2005
Get the Jehovah's Witnesses mug.Jehovah's Witnesses try to live by the words of Jesus at John 13:34,35 which indicate that his true followers would be identified by their love for one another. This is one reason they do not take up arms or go to war.
Woman: "I don't like Jehovah's Witnesses because they refuse to join the military and fight for the freedoms they enjoy everyday. My son went to war and gave his life for his country."
Jehovah's Witness: "I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your son. But one thing you can be assured of, he didn't lose his life at the hands of one of Jehovah's Witnesses"
Jehovah's Witness: "I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your son. But one thing you can be assured of, he didn't lose his life at the hands of one of Jehovah's Witnesses"
by gva July 30, 2008
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