how are your testicles today?

1. a more direct way of saying "how's it hanging"

2. a phrase normally said to men, but can also be said to women, although you should use caution. Depending upon the woman, context, or situation in which the question is asked, the woman could very well take it offensively. You should only use this with women you feel very comfortable with or ones with very little pride.

so we were sitting there and john just leaned over and asked me
"and how are your testicles today?"

by jason348 January 2, 2007

Today Show

A popular TV "news" program that lasts the whole morning long (it seems like), and tries to wake me up in the morning because of all of the people screaming from Rockefeller Plaza (Center?). I personally can take only about an hour of it to catch up on the headlines, and I change the channel to Jerry Springer when that finally comes on.

I'll bet you $20.00 that Al Roker (the weather man) from the Today Show will say "And in your neck of the woods" at one point in time, of each show, when he talks about the weather.

by izcool February 9, 2008

You gonna learn today

Pronounced "Yoo Gohn Lurn Duhdey!" (sometimes the "You" is eliminated), a viral catchphrase by Kevin Hart during his 'Alright, alright, alright!' segment of "Laugh at My Pain".
Kevin Hart explains that his father 'legitamately' walks in during his spelling bee, being outrageously loud—along with the dog on drugs—and repeating the phrase "Alright, Alright, Alriiiiiiiiiiiiiight!".
The phrase is used—but not limited to—mainly in high school to joke about how one will know what sex is, a long dick is, etc. but can be used in other various cases (or forms).

#1:

Girl 1: Sheesh, I can't believe it. Last night, with the hottest guy, was boooring! He had NOTHING!
Boy 1: Oh really? I can make tonight good for you?
Girl 1: You? Hah! How?
Boy 1: You gonna learn today…

#2

Coach: Alright, 100 push-ups! No breaks in between! If you fall flat before doing it, 4 laps around the track nonstop running!
Kid 1: *whispering to teamates* We gonna work today…

by DarkMario1000 on Youtube January 8, 2012

On Today

Another way of saying "today," particularly used in the Black church.

Preacher: "It's so good to see y'all on today."

"Can we clap our hands on today?"

by hughesnum3 October 29, 2015

If I am not here tomorrow, Remember me today

A quote by poet, artist, activist Justin Thomas La Plante coined, march 27th 2011 on his facebook page and twitter stream.

Meaning:
Know me as I am now for it is the best I am, if I am not here tomorrow.

"If I am not here tomorrow, Remember me today". _Quote, La Plante

by Mr. SnowmanPants April 12, 2011

I'm gonna Trump today.

I can't Trump today means to blow off all responsibilities and go play golf.

Fuck work,

I'm gonna Trump today.

by Max Nicks August 22, 2017

Why pay Tuesday for a hamburger today

A catchphrase coined by Whimpy in the old Popeye cartoons and comics. It was actually "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today"

Basically, someone who uses this or a similar phrase is trying to get something on credit, and may or may not follow through in paying you back.

"Why pay Tuesday for a hamburger today?"
"Because food debt doesn't have interest."

by Hamelin January 28, 2007