Bert-reading

Reading of a petition perform before signing it, to find out if you should support it or not, although the title is convincing. It's the final stage before signing a petition.

X: Did you just sign that petition ?
Y: Yes, why ?
X: You know better! Please do a bert-reading next time!!
Y: Why ?
X: Petitions can be very powerful and being attention to issues that we don’t know about... but I really need you to read some of these before signing. Some of them don’t be saying nothing and actually detract from grassroots organizations that are already doing the work.

by jhumigas June 6, 2020

Pulling a Bert

The act of peeing in a cup and then falsely selling it as lemonade

My friend was working in a food truck and ran out of lemonade, so he had to pull a bert to sell the last 3 cups

He’s definitely Pulling a Bert

by Gopher7923 April 12, 2024

bert

The funniest youtuber in the world who primarily makes short Spongebob YouTube Poops. He makes the characters say different things from the original episode usually resulting in a sexual reference such as when he made Mr. Krabs say "get that suit on sailor! It's already been cummed on!" instead of the original, "it's already been paid for!", in the episode where Pearl takes over the Krusty Krab and gives them the crazy onesie uniforms where Squidward says, "rage, fury, irritation, humiliation,". That's just one hilarious example. He is a talented voice actor who gets the character's voices almost spot on and also manipulates the speeds and movements of the characters to make them look like they're saying what he wants them to say. Most of his videos have been taken down unfortunately due to Viacom saying that he was violating copyright laws. He has about 60,000 subscribers.

Squidward: "Now, repeat after me! bert's edits are so good!"
Spongebob: "bert's edits suck dick!"
Squidward: "AAAAAAAAHHHHH!" (throws mirror)

by HouCou2003 November 3, 2022

Bert Squirt

The same exact technique as giving a woman the shocker. But the person giving the Bert Squirt is missing part of their pinky finger. Therefore instead of " Two in the pink and one in the stink", it is Two in the pink and half in the stink. This technique is satisfying to both partners because the partner on the receiving end is enjoying a half pinky with no fingernail being lodged up her butthole, while the partner on the giving end is feeling the woman's stink wrinkles pucker like a hummingbird heart all over his damaged nerve endings sending them both into squirt mode.

I gave my wife the Bert squirt last night, now the ceiling in our bedroom looks like a jackson pollock painting with a black light on!

by Chingycheeze August 20, 2021

old bert

Evil incarnate. If you run into an Old Bert it is best to try and escape before it notices you are there. If escape is not possible then trying to make a deal to spare your life is the best option. Old Bert's feed on the human soul and if hungry will stop at nothing to get it's next meal. If already fed then it's personality will revert to a calm state, although if angered it would be lucky if the body was found in a piece larger then a finger nail. It is best to avoid Old Bert's at all cost but the reward for capturing one alive is enough to get you your own private island with money to spare. Approach Old Bert's at own risk with full knowledge that it will most likely eat you and your soul.

You hear about the city that was destroyed, apparently an Old Bert caused it.

by Old_Bert July 8, 2017

Bert

An old fashion name that people don't normally name their kids this. People make fun of them because the show Sesame Street Bert and Ernie

"Hey look it's Bert, where is Ernie?"
"Bert have you found Ernie yet?"

by Marisol.R May 21, 2018

Bert Alert

When an emergency meeting is called and you get a boner

Shit! uhhhh... bert alert...

by Bert alert October 28, 2020