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Crumpeting

When you shove a warm, buttered crumpet up your arsehole.
Last week I caught Bogdan Crumpeting.
by Lord Pervert of Shittingswell November 18, 2023
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Rolly Crumpet

To take a poo or make stinky chocolate on the ground while waiting in the line at Walt Disney world to ride a ride or see an attraction publicly infront of everyone.
That kid just made a Rolly Crumpet! I guess he was waiting in line too long and couldn’t hold it in anymore .
by 420D-Portkid November 26, 2023
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serious crumpet

That lady we met today is very attractive ~ Serious Crumpet
by Guv’nor December 17, 2023
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porn crumpet

Originates from the band name Psychedelic Porn Crumpets. There are two likely definitions:

(a) Describes a pornographic or sexy crumpet; a crumpet that looks very appetizing
(b) A porn star. Crumpet referring to a sexy person (usually a woman)
(a) Hey Jerry can you pass me that porn crumpet?
(b) Mate, is that the porn crumpet from "Revenge of the Tentacles 3"?
by ssflss January 10, 2023
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Strumpet Crumpet

Strumpet Crumpet A hottie and great in bed
That Strumpet Crumpet is hot and sexy
by VileGay September 20, 2023
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crumpet strumpet

UK old woman who sits around eating crumpets and flirting excessively online in chatrooms with anyone who will talk to her.
The crumpet strumpet was overly aggressive in chat.
by Goonie's Revenge September 23, 2023
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Crumpeting

The act of a woman or person with a clitoris masturbating while laying face down.

Named after Netflix's Sex Education character Aimee, who is shown doing this in Season 1. Afterwards, she tells friends: “I’ve been wanking all night; I ate four packets of crumpets, and I think my clit might drop off."

Crumpeting is the preferred masturbation position of many people because it puts pleasurable weight and pressure on the genitals. There is also a feminist element to the celebration of crumpeting, in that a lot of porn designed to cater to the male gaze shows women wanking on their backs, legs splayed wide so that men can see everything; in reality, plenty of women prefer touching themselves in ways that are less about performing for others and more about genuinely pleasuring themselves.
"Crumpeting is my favourite way to reach orgasm. I like to lay on top of my vibrator with the duvet pulled over me, all cosy."
by CanCanOfWorms September 26, 2023
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